My poor Mom

I feel better from the other night's blog. I still have the desire to have a partner, but I think a lot of my ranting was that I again was feeling cheated on what could've been an awesome marriage! I seem to have woke up the next morning feeling better. This week I have been fighting an ear infection. I actaully started getting it last Fri, but wasn't able to get to the doctor till Tues. Since then I had been on anti-biotic ear drops, and pain killer drops. I had the doctor look at it Fri again when I came in for allergy shots, he said it was healing, but put me also on an oral anti-biotic. Today, I am starting to feel better. I had been running a feaver with the infection so I was really feeling crappy! Not sure how I got the infection, but hopefully, it won't come back anytime soon.
In other crazy news, my mom fell in the back yard today. I have no idea how other than she thinks her ankle just gave way. She broke one bone in her foot on the right foot, and broke or cracked her knee on the left leg. She's going to have to use a wheelchair for awhile, and is pretty worried about getting to work. I'm hoping I can help her some, but it would only be answering phones and taking messages. My poor mommy!!! I feel so bad for her. Hopefully, she will recover quickly. She seems pretty upbeat so far.

Why do I feel like I do

I'm still having a really crappy time of things. I made an appointment to talk with someone about my crappy feelings, but it's going to be a while before I can get in. I just don't understand why God would put such a desire in my heart to have a partener, get married, and then everything ends up like it has. I know part of it is "free-will" and the choices I made, but if I wasn't supposed to get married in the first place, or care about member of the oppoisite sex, why do I have the frickin' desire?? I think I've had at least a crying day for the last three weeks. I'm told it sounds like I'm in the "mad" stage! Yeah!! I know the the stages of grieving and I know I am, it just SUCKS!!I just want to know WHY the desire! Things could be worse I suppose. I just have felt crappy for the last several weeks and I want it go away!! Maybe it's the heat...I can always blame it on that!!

Preston, my partents, and I returned from our Kansas City "vacation". It was nice to be home after such long drive home. I do think Preston had a good time, during the weekend. The night when we got home, we were home in time for me to go to my Divorce class. It was so nice to be able and kind of vent there. It was also nice to see that I was not the only one having a tough week, although, I wouldn't wish these feelings on anyone. Well....one person, but I don't think that's going to happen!
Preston and I have spent the last two days just in our "hanging out" routine. We saw a friend of ours the last couple nights, so that was fun. He seemed to enjoy visiting with the person. Today I met my friend, Donna for lunch. It was nice to just sit and talk with her. After lunch we went to the hardware store and got paint samples for my house. I think we are going to paint the living room soon and I want to go with something besides white. Eventually, I would like to do Preston's room, but will let him pick out the color he wants in there. So far, this week has started out much better, we shall see how it ends up......hopefully on a positive note!

Baseball Rocks

The baseball game was awesome!! We got to sit in the second row right by the foul pole on the left field side. For those who don't like baseball, that's the side third base is on. Since I don't really follow the Royals, and knew very few of the players on the other team, it took awhile to get into the "swing" of things! Not long though, if you have never been to a Royals game I encourage you to go. There is so much to keep your attention even if you don't pay attention to the game. I have to say that the game was a lot of fun, and reminded me of when I was younger and would go almost every summer. We were so close to the field too. The closest I have ever been at a major league game. That was the most awesome part for me. Unfortunately, I don't think Preston got into it much. I think he had some fun, but the kid just does not share my love for baseball. He did seem to be in awe of Arrowhead Stadium which is right "next door" and is where the Chiefs play football. I'm am really hoping to get him to a game some day, but the tickets are not going to be cheap. As for the conclusion of the game, the Royals lost which was disappointing. All in all though, it was a great time, and a cool new experience for Preston. Maybe someday some of my love for the game will rub off on him! I can always hope anyway!!

Night from H***

Today has been somewhat better. I cried myself to sleep last night somewhere around midnight. I knew it wasn't going to be easy being up here in the KC area. Especially being at my sister's home since the last time I was here was when I finally had the proof that I was being cheated on. The whole memory just got to me, and I needed to cry it out. Don't know how else to get through it.
Got up this morning and had breakfast with Preston. We spent time looking at my sister and brother-in-law's new house. It is their first one they are buying. It's a neat house, but it's so hard being happy for someone when you feel like your life is sucking at the moment. For lunch we went to Olive Garden.....I was in heaven!! When we got home my frickin shunt was hurting, so I layed down and went to "sleep" for a while. Not really, but I am feeling better. The Royals game is this afternoon. I've been pretty excited about that. Since most of you know I love baseball, I'm happy about being able to go to an MLB game!! Someday, I swear I'm going to make it to an Atlanta Braves game in Atlanta!! Preston has never been to an MLB game, so it will be awesome having him get the experience to go. I'm hoping someday also that I can take him to a KC Chiefs game. I'm told those tickets are twice as expensive as an MLB game.

It's Been One of Those Weeks

The last week or so has really sucked!! Once I think everything is going well, or that I'm doing better, than something goes to crap and I have trouble dealing! So far I still don't have a job. I get pretty stressed out about it at times, but for the most part I'm glad I'm getting the summer to spend time with my son. I just hope I can find something soon as I am getting so bored of not having somewhere to go. I've had a few offers, but nothing that is going to work for me so far with Preston. As far as other things, I get so frustrated with my feelings of this impending divorce. I get to experience all the S****y emotions, while the other half of this ex-relationship is just not having to deal with anything! I swear if I ever trust anyone again after this, it's going to be a MIRACLE!! My final point of irriatation at the moment, is that fact that EVERYONE right now is making me feel like I can't do anything or think for myself. Makes me just want to stay home and away from everyone so that I don't have to deal with feeling like I can't please anyone right now. Thank god for my son!! I don't think I can say that enough! Thank goodness he continually teaches me how to be able to deal with the upsets of life and in some ways knows more about what I'm going through than I do!