I am finally on to a couple job leads. I went for a prelimenary interview the other day and that seemed somewhat hopeful. The guy I talked to was nice and seemed somewhat interested in my resume. Keep your fingers crossed that something will work for me full-time. Not much else exciting happening in my world at this time. THANK GOD!! I don't think I need anymore excitement for the time being. I was hoping to go with the youth this weekend on their confirmation retreat. I have to work though, so I can't go. Oh well, at least I'll be making some money. I think Preston is looking forward to the weekend though. We went fishing over the weekend with my neighbors. That was a success. Preston had been dying to go fishing, so I'm glad it worked out. He was pretty happy after catching 3 fish. I think we're planning to eat them tonight. I had to talk to him about his grades the other night. That went over well....NOT!! He just doesn't seem to concerned, and that bothers me. I think he will end up fine, but it's just hard getting him to care. I think next year maybe a bit different, but you never know. His bowling season has come to an end. I really wanted him to play baseball this summer, but it looks like that's not going to happen. Oh well, he can go swimming and do other things. I'm also hoping by the time summer ends I will have this whole adoption thing finished too! For right now though, I'm going to enjoy the boringness of my life!...lol

The First Month

I've made it one month through with being seperated from Rich. The month certainly hasn't been easy, nor is it close to being over with. I actually have done pretty well over all. The first part of the month I got the good news that my disease is back in remission. I got to come off my medication which was AWESOME!! I was so happy to get that news, but also a little nervous. So far, I feel pretty good without even though it's only been a couple weeks. I have a check up in three months to make sure everything is still going well. Hopefully it will be. On that same day I went to see my other doctor since I did an increase on my anti-depressent. I bawled the whole time I was in the office, but I guess that's what doctors are for. For now, I am staying on the same dosage of medication until things hopefully even out in the emtional area. As I said, overall I seem to being doing pretty good, but there are "those" moments! Moments such as having to sign divorce papers. I DIDN'T want a divorce which all my friends and family know. However, some people seem to think that this should be just an easy thing to get through. This is NOT the case!! The pain from this event in my life is like no other!! I have been through my fair share of physical pain and this feels nothing like anything I have ever experienced! I miss Rich and the companionship I had with that. More than that though, I'm angry that he broke promises to me!! Not just to me, but to God! Makes me so angry and hurt inside!! What seems to be helping though is having my friends and family. That and a job even though it's very part-time!! At least it's getting me out and about from time to time and doing things. I still am thinking about doing the home daycare things. Just need to get going more on it. In the meantime, the part-time job is fun and the Avon selling is going pretty well. Better than the Mary Kay selling at one time went. I have also been on date since Rich and I split. It was WAY to early to date!! However, I did meet someone that could become a good friend. I just wasn't interested in anything romantic at this point and to be honest, at this point I can't see myself with anyone else!

Baby Steps

It has certainly been a month of tough lessons. I never knew God thought I could handle so much, yet somehow I seem to be passing the test this far. I have joined a divorce support group to help me with the emotions of what has been going on. I think it is going to be something that will be extremely helpful to me, both in coming to terms with what has happend, and also to help me understand that I am not alone in this. Several times I have thought that if I just hadn't gotten married I wouldn't be going through such a difficult time. I loved Rich very much though, and honestly, I still do. However, there were things that I was just not willing to compromise on, and in the end, morals and values wouldn't allow me to compromise on. I wish daily that there could be reconciliation, but know there will probably never be. Unfortunately, he may never know just how much I have been hurt through all this, or what suffering I have done by taking a stand for what I believe in. My heart hurts daily and as I said even though I have been hurt in the worst possible way, I still unconditionally love Rich. He was a huge part of my life for 4 years and a person doesn't just turn emotions off when things end. At least I don't. Things have started to look up for me, and for Preston. I found a job working part-time and that has been a blessing. The best part is that I get off work before Preston gets out of school, which is awesome. We also have really gotten in to Bible studies and going to church. Preston will joining the church soon, and I am extrememly excited about that! He's a great kid and I am so blessed to have him in my life! We also have been spending more time with friends and going out and doing things. Somedays are harder than others to make myself do this, but once I do, I'm glad I did.