Short Notes

Happy New Year......almost!

2008-12-28T18:46:00.000-08:00

Ok, so I've really started to not be so great at blogging!! I'm not sure why cause I'm always on the computer.
Anyway, I hope everyone had a great Christmas! Mine was pretty good. I was pretty stressed out about it to bring with. My Christmas shopping was not going well, (which I know is not the point of the season) and at this time last year, things with my son were, well....shaky at best! I really can't say I was in the Christmas spirit this year, unfortunately!!
I did end up having a good day, and even a good week with my son! It just was very hard to know how this week was going to go and even if it would be the complete week. Thankfully it went well and was the whole week.
Thank you to those of you who have prayed for us this year!! It has been stressful and many times NO fun, but I think we are goiong to make it. I have one more week before re-joining the "real world" so it will be nice to just relax and hopefully catch up on a little more writing. I've been wanting to do that the whole time I've been home, but haven't do so yet.

Happy Thanksgiving

2008-11-24T16:09:00.001-08:00

Wow! I thought I had blogged at least once this month....guess that's what I get for thinking. :) For those who read this Happy Thanksgiving!! I LOVE Thanksgiving! It's just a great time to be with friends and family without all the stress of parties and gift giving.
November for some reason has been a very busy month for me. Seems like I have just really been on the go and doing things a lot, which is good. Gives me less time to get in a depressed state.
One of the biggest events of the month was my 35th birthday. I know most people would NOT be that excited about getting older. For me though, another birthday means another year that I have "made it". You see, for those who don't know me and may be reading this, I wasn't supposed to live to be 18. Well, I have gone well past 18 and that gives me such a feeling of satisfaction! I have 2 great parents who were determined from the "get go" to do what they could for me. I also have an amazing God who blessed me with my parents and lots and lots of wonderful people along the way!! Thank you!!
I'm thinking of starting a book. I'm not going to say at this point what it might be about, but it's been on my mind for awhile. Actually, there are 2 different books I COULD write, I just don't know how to get started on either one. A very wonderful man who I met about 3 yrs ago told me at one time: "just start writing". Good advice!! We will see in the upcoming weeks if either of my ideas take shape.

2008-10-29T18:16:00.000-07:00

It's been a busy couple of weeks! About 2 weeks ago I went to spend the weekend with a friend. After my own unintentional (and thankfully unsucessful) shot at "NASCAR" driving on country roads, I finally made it to the amazing farm my friend and his family live on. I always have such an AMAZING time when I go see this particular friend that I always come away wondering "why"? I'll leave it at that for now, but honestly, I always have the BEST time with this friend and hope there are more times down the road (although not the NASCAR road haha) to get together!!

My son spent the weekend with me last weekend. I was soooo nervous before he even set foot in the house! It has literally been almost a year since we had been under the same roof. There was a lot to be worried about in my mind, so I did what I do best and worry..... Thankfully, the weekend turned out WAY better then I could've hoped for. We may have turned a corner, but it is too early to tell if this is actually going to get the "happy ending" or not.

Somehow I'm thinking this weekend may actually be a let down from the last 2 weekends of excitement. I'm sure I'll be able to keep myself busy, but with every thing that has been going on recently, it's going to be interesting not having something "big" going on. Hhhhmmm.....maybe I'll just sleep! :D

News that turned out good

2008-10-16T14:34:00.000-07:00

I got a call the other day from my doctor that one of my tests didn't come back to good and could I come in and see him. "Sure," I said trying not to sound worried. Ok, so we all know I worry about everything and I knew what the "bad" test results meant. So, I go in yesterday taking my mom for moral support. Doctor comes in, looks at my lab results and note from previous doctor and realizes he made a mistake! Can I just say I have NEVER been more happy than I was yesterday about a doctor making a mistake!!
Good news in short is my auto-immune/musclar disease is STILL in "remission" (or not active at this time) which means even more I don't have to start taking prednisone again! THANK GOD!!!!!!!! Sure, it has helped get everything under control when I have taken it, but it also makes me gain 400lbs (or feels like it), and causes me to be mean and cranky. So glad things turned out to be good news. We will hope for the same in 6 months when I have to have the "normal" blood work done.
In other news, Tomorrow the first nine weeks of school is over. It doesn't seem like I have been "in school" for that long. Time sure flies when you're (sorta) having fun! Actually, I really do like my job and am having a great time with the kiddos I'm working with.

Remember me??

2008-10-13T15:23:00.000-07:00

I'm 2 months into my "new" job and loving it! The school and the kids are a lot of fun!! I'm really drained when I get home in the evenings and have started going to bed early because of it. I'm still doing some of my other activities, but I've had to cut back too.
I was having a lot of trouble with my depression recently, but that seems to be doing better for now. I guess a lot of it has to do with not being done working through "the process" of a couple things have happened in my life over the last couple years. Every time I think I'm done with the "process" something comes back to bite me in the butt, so then I have to re-group. Some times I just feel so lonely and that gets me really down! Thank god for meds I suppose.....AND good friends!!!!
I'm going to try and blog more often. I do know that writing as always helped, so I'm going to make an effort to blog more often. It may not be very exciting, but I'll give it a shot!

Update for Sept

2008-09-13T21:27:00.000-07:00

I just finished reading my friend Dawn's blog and thought I should probably post since it's again been awhile. I was going to write about a (STUPID) conversation I had the other day with a gal, but I think I'm tired enough for it to not make sense if I try and write it at the moment. Guess I'll save it for a future blog.
I'm working at a different school this year and LOVING it! I have "graduated" to 1st grade and Kindergarten....figure that one out! I'm soooo glad school has started again. I think summer was started to make me a very moody girl!
I am going to be bowling out of town this year, which I have done before. Our bowling alley is closed again, so the team I bowl with is bowling out of town again. Should be fun, unfortunately, I know I'm going to miss several times which stinks!
Things with my son are (CAUTIOUSLY) better or heading in the right direction at this time. Hopefully, they will continue to head that way.

Suggestions?

2008-08-10T13:58:00.000-07:00

Summer is quickly coming to an end! Am I getting old or is summer just getting shorter? I return back to work in about 4 days. Thankgoodness!! This summer has not been what I had hoped for.
This past Monday I had to put my 7 month old puppy to sleep. She had, had a complication from surgery. I had the choice of more surgery, but no one knew if she would make it through as she was still weak from the first surgery. If she did make it, it was unsure what kind of life she would have after. I know I did the right thing, but it still totally sucks!
I feel like I've gone through so much loss in the past 2 yrs. From my divorce to losing my son to my most recent of losing my puppy. Ok, so there's bigger things then a puppy, but it's a loss. I just don't know if I can handle much more. I try and think positive, but I also keep thinking "what's next"? What/Who am I going to have to say "goodbye" to next. Most of the time I feel so sad and lonely. I try and stay in contact with friends, but there's not much people can say or do. Either that or they don't want to get involved.....idk! Idk....I feel like I'm really struggling right now. Maybe going back to work is going to help give me something to do. At least I will have somewhere to go everyday.

Recent news

2008-07-15T15:28:00.000-07:00

I've been trying to spend more time with my God kiddos this summer. They're pretty special to me, and growing up so fast! Recently I got to watch my Godson play baseball. His little league team ended up playing a double-header, which was awesome to me! Unfortunately, T's team lost both games. And in a pretty bad way....lol! It was great finally getting to see him play ball though.

Still no word on when/if my kiddo will be coming home. When/if he does I know it's going to be a HUGE adjustment again! He seems to be maturing and that's something I have been praying for. I just hope it's a genuine thing and continues long-term. I do get to see and talk to him, but it's not how I wanted to be a mom.

Book Meme

2008-06-29T11:19:00.000-07:00

100 Book Meme -- as found on Dawn's Blog
According to The Big Read, the average adult has only read 6 of the top 100 books on this list.
1) Look at the list and bold those you have read.
2) Italicize those you intend to read.
3) Underline the books you LOVE. (note: I will put a * next to the ones I love since I forgot how to code underlining)
1. Pride and Prejudice - Jane Austen
2. The Lord of the Rings - JRR Tolkien
3. Jane Eyre - Charlotte Bronte
4. Harry Potter series - JK Rowling (that's a "love" for each book)
5. To Kill a Mockingbird - Harper Lee
6. The Bible (not all, though)
7. Wuthering Heights - Emily Bronte
8. Nineteen Eighty Four - George Orwell
9. His Dark Materials - Philip Pullman
10. Great Expectations - Charles Dickens
11. Little Women - Louisa M Alcott
12. Tess of the D'Urbervilles - Thomas Hardy
13. Catch 22 - Joseph Heller
14. Complete Works of Shakespeare
15. Rebecca - Daphne Du Maurier
16. The Hobbit
17. Birdsong - Sebastian Faulks
18. Catcher in the Rye - JD Salinger
19. The Time Traveller's Wife - Audrey Niffenegger
20. Middlemarch - George Eliot
21. Gone With The Wind* - Margaret Mitchell
22. The Great Gatsby - F Scott Fitzgerald
23. Bleak House - Charles Dickens
24. War and Peace - Leo Tolstoy
25. The Hitch Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy - Douglas Adams
26. Brideshead Revisited - Evelyn Waugh
27. Crime and Punishment - Fyodor Dostoyevsky
28. Grapes of Wrath - John Steinbeck
29. Alice in Wonderland - Lewis Carroll
30. The Wind in the Willows - Kenneth Grahame
31. Anna Karenina - Leo Tolstoy
32. David Copperfield - Charles Dickens
33. Chronicles of Narnia - CS Lewis (Magician's Nnephew, Lioon)
34. Emma - Jane Austen
35. Persuasion - Jane Austen
36. The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe* - CS Lewis
37. The Kite Runner - Khaled Hosseini
38. Captain Corelli's Mandolin - Louis De Bernieres
39. Memoirs of a Geisha - Arthur Golden
40. Winnie the Pooh* - AA Milne
41. Animal Farm - George Orwell
42. The Da Vinci Code - Dan Brown
43. One Hundred Years of Solitude - Gabriel Garcia Marquez
44. A Prayer for Owen Meaney - John Irving
45. The Woman in White - Wilkie Collins
46. Anne of Green Gables - LM Montgomery
47. Far From The Madding Crowd - Thomas Hardy
48. The Handmaid's Tale - Margaret Atwood
49. Lord of the Flies - William Golding
50. Atonement - Ian McEwan
51. Life of Pi - Yann Martel
52. Dune - Frank Herbert
53. Cold Comfort Farm - Stella Gibbons
54. Sense and Sensibility - Jane Austen
55. A Suitable Boy - Vikram Seth
56. The Shadow of the Wind - Carlos Ruiz Zafon
57. A Tale Of Two Cities - Charles Dickens
58. Brave New World - Aldous Huxley
59. The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-time - Mark Haddon
60. Love In The Time Of Cholera - Gabriel Garcia Marquez
61. Of Mice and Men - John Steinbeck
62. Lolita - Vladimir Nabokov
63. The Secret History - Donna Tartt
64. The Lovely Bones - Alice Sebold
65. Count of Monte Cristo - Alexandre Dumas
66. On The Road - Jack Kerouac
67. Jude the Obscure - Thomas Hardy
68. Bridget Jones' Diary - Helen Fielding
69. Midnight's Children - Salman Rushdie
70. Moby Dick - Herman Melville
71. Oliver Twist - Charles Dickens
72. Dracula - Bram Stoker
73. The Secret Garden - Frances Hodgson Burnett
74. Notes From A Small Island - Bill Bryson
75. Ulysses - James Joyce
76. The Bell Jar - Sylvia Plath
77. Swallows and Amazons - Arthur Ransome
78. Germinal - Emile Zola
79. Vanity Fair - William Makepeace Thackeray
80. Possession - AS Byatt
81. A Christmas Carol - Charles Dickens
82. Cloud Atlas - David Mitchell
83. The Color Purple - Alice Walker
84. The Remains of the Day - Kazuo Ishiguro
85. Madame Bovary - Gustave Flaubert
86. A Fine Balance - Rohinton Mistry
87. Charlotte's Web - EB White
88. The Five People You Meet In Heaven - Mitch Albom
89. Adventures of Sherlock Holmes - Sir Arthur Conan Doyle
90. The Faraway Tree Collection - Enid Blyton
91. Heart of Darkness - Joseph Conrad
92. The Little Prince - Antoine De Saint-Exupery
93. The Wasp Factory - Iain Banks
94. Watership Down - Richard Adams
95. A Confederacy of Dunces - John Kennedy Toole
96. A Town Like Alice - Nevil Shute
97. The Three Musketeers - Alexandre Dumas (started)
98. Hamlet - William Shakespeare
99. Charlie and the Chocolate Factory - Roald Dahl
100. Les Miserables - Victor Hugo

This stinks!

2008-06-24T14:33:00.000-07:00

My life is soooo exciting at this point I can't keep up!! Uh, do you hear the sarcasam in my voice?? Life is SOOOOOO BORING at this point, I'm about to scream!! I had decided to not have a job this summer due to trying to be with my son a little more and hopefully have him start getting back home. WELL.....he's been moved again. Seems the little squirt did a no-no again in March which caused him to have to move yet again. This move was much farther, like TOPEKA!! Needless to say, I haven't been able to visit him as often or be where I was hoping to be with this whole process. GGGGRRRRR.......KIDS!! Since this turn of events, I have realized I NEED something to do, but now it's kinda late!
I do have a few things still going on, but nothing that is keeping me busy full-time. In the mean-time, my self-esteem has gone to the dogs! Literally!! I feel like I have had so many "bad" things (or has my mother likes to call them "learning experiences", happen recently, that I need something good to come about. So I guess I'm waiting, although not sure what I'm waiting on. Maybe I'm being to hard on myself, or maybe I'm not seeing something....I don't know. All I know at this point is something has to change!!

Who Are You?

2008-06-02T12:51:00.000-07:00

Hit forward and place an X by all the things you've done and removethe X from the ones you have not. Answer 30 questions at the end & send it to your friends (including me) This is for your entire life!
(X) Gone on a blind date
(x ) Skipped school
( x )Watched someone die
( ) Been to Canada
( ) Been to Mexico
( ) Been to Florida
( x) Been on a plane
( x ) Been lost (When am I not???)

( ) Been on the opposite side of the country
( ) Gone to Washington, DC

( ) Swam in the ocean

(X) Cried yourself to sleep
( X ) Played cops and robbers --
( X ) Recently colored with crayons
( X) Sang Karaoke
( X) Paid for a meal with coins only?
(X) Done something you told yourself you wouldn't?

( ) Made prank phone calls --
(X) Laughed until some kind of beverage came out of your nose
( x) Caught a snowflake on your tongue
( x ) Danced in the rain
( X ) Written a letter to Santa Claus
( x ) Been kissed under the mistletoe
( ) Watched the sunrise with someone you care about
(X) Blown bubbles
( X ) Gone ice-skating
( ) Been skinny dipping outdoors
(x) Gone to a drive-in movie theatre
1. Any nickname? Stac

2. Mother's name? Jean

3. Favorite drink? DIET Coke

4. Tattoo? no

5. Body Piercing? Ears (2 each)
6. How much do you love your job? Love it!!!
7. Birthplace? Wichita

8. Favorite vacation spot? ?? Any
9. Ever been to Africa ? No

10. Ever eaten cookies for dinner? yes
11. Ever been on TV? Yes

12. Ever steal any traffic signs?? no
13. Ever been in a car accident?? Yes
14. Drive a 2-door or 4-door > vehicle? 4 door
15. Favorite salad dressing? Ranch

16. Favorite pie? Strawberry or Pumpkin
17. Favorite number? 21
18. Favorite movie? Grease

19. Favorite holiday? Thanksgiving

20. Favorite dessert? Peach Cobbler

21. Favorite food? Italian

22. Favorite day of the week? Friday
23. Favorite brand of body wash?

24. Favorite toothpaste?? Colgate

25. Favorite smell? Strawberries

26. What do you do to relax? sing, read, write
27. How do you see yourself in 10 years? hopefully more content then now

28. Are you happy with your life? Most of the time

29. Furthest place you will send this message. Don't know

30. Who will respond to this the fastest? Don't know

Meme

2008-05-22T20:58:00.000-07:00

One Word meme a la Dawn
You can only type one word. No explanations.
Yourself: loving
Your Partner: nonexistent
Your Hair: brown
Your Mother: incredible
Your Father: strong
Your Favorite Item: dogs
Your Dream Last Night: none
Your Favorite Drink: diet coke
Your Dream Car: someday
Your Dream Home: lovely
The Room You Are In: family
Your Ex: gone
Your Fear: alone
Where You Want to be in Ten Years: content
Who You Hung Out With Last Night: kids
What You’re Not: quitter
Muffins: yum
One of Your Wish List Items: car
Time: night
The Last Thing You Did: babysat
What You Are Wearing: clothes
Your Favorite Weather: stormy
Your Favorite Book: biography
Last Thing You Ate: pasta
Your Life: interesting
Your Mood: nervous
Your Best Friends: encouraging
What Are You Thinking About Right Now: why
Your Car: Malibu
What Are You Doing At The Moment: typing
Your Summer: busy
Relationship Status: single
What Is On Your TV: commerical
What Is The Weather Like:stormy
When Is The Last Time You Laughed: tonight

Done, finally

2008-05-09T19:55:00.000-07:00

My ear is fixed finally!! Went in at 6:15 this morning. Since I'm allergic to latex I had to be the first one....o lucky me! I shed a few tears since this being put to sleep stuff brings back bad memories!! I don't think it took very long to get the crap cleaned outta my ear. The doctor came in and said he did not have to put a tube in my ear, just cleaned it out. That was good news!
The rest of the day, I've been dealing with the after affects of anastetic! I slept almost the entire day, and have had a sore throat. I imagine they put a breathing tube in and now my throat is sore. Nice to have it all done and over with though! Now, I can hear better and don't have to worry about it anymore!

Looking forward to summer

2008-05-02T19:29:00.000-07:00

Well, now that bowling is over for another season, what's a girl to do?? Same thing she does ever "off season"....WATCH BASEBALL!! Oh yea!!! Actually, my team isn't being televised this season *angry face* (the Braves), so I'll have to resort to watching other teams. Also, now that I've gotten into NASCAR I can watch that when it's on too. OMG....I'm such a sports freak!...lol. Oh well!

Only 12 days left of school....THANK GOD! Actually, it will be nice for the break, but I'm going to miss the little ones SO MUCH! I can't believe the changes they've made during the year! It's been so fun to see and be a part of. Not sure what I'm going to do this summer depends a lot on my child and how he's doing/where he's at. Hopefully continuing to improve!

My ear saga

2008-05-01T15:34:00.000-07:00

Oops, I forgot to update after the ear appointment on the 24th. Long story short, nothing has been done yet and I hopefully will have everything done and over with May 9th. When I went for the appointment on the 24th, the doctor deadened my ear with Lidocane. He looked in there and thinks it's just a bunch of wax build-up. Unfortunately, it's so far down in there I could still feel everything....so!! (You knew this wouldn't be simple!!) I'm going to be put to sleep May 9th so the doctor can clean out my ear. IF everything looks good, there will be no tube. If, after cleaning it out there's still a problem....then he will put the tube in. So basically, my ear still feels like crap and I have another week to "sweat it out". Thankfully, my allergy shots have been started again, so I'm doing better there. I get so frustrated at not feeling well!
On top of that, I have the on-going stress of life in general and my son. That's for another blog another time I suppose.
This evening I'm off to sing in Praise Band at church. I just started and REALLY like it!! It's totally stepping outta my comfort zone, but it's been fun.

The Good news is...well, it's really not!

2008-04-16T14:52:00.000-07:00

The bad news is I'm having surgery on my ear...well kinda! I've been battleing an ear infection for almost 2 months and have been on anti-biotics. Well, nothing seems to be working. I had a "follow-up" appointment with my doctor today, and it looks like I'm going to be having a tube put in my ear. We could give it another month, but the thought is, I have to work and such, plus I'm not hearing well, plus it's annoying!! Apparently, it's not "surgery" as such, but something that sounds fairly easy and relatively painless.....we shall see on the painless part! I was kinda hoping to not have it done (if I had to) til May, but looks like it's going to be done next week. Yuck!! Just one more thing on my list of "been there done that"! Oh well, I figure if kids can do it I can, but it does freak me out a little. After all the surgeries I HAVE been through....things like this make me a tad (A LOT) anxious! It will be nice to have it done and over with, and hopefully feeling better soon. I was starting to think I was getting old and just losing my hearing...lol! So, I guess the good new is this is fixable and I am going to have it fixed.

I'm Back

2008-04-08T14:27:00.001-07:00

First of all, I have to say KU ROCKS!!! Congrats to the Jayhawks for winning a Championship last night! Awesome game!!
Oh, and I also have to say pretty cool about the New Kids or NKOTB on getting back together! Those were the days, and I'm excited they are going to give it another shot.
It has come to my attention that I haven't updated in a long time....and I haven't! :( I joined myspace and just planned on blogging there, but then I made my page "private", so not every one can read. So.....now I'm back!
Unfortunately, there's not a lot to blog about. My life continues to be pretty boring! I did recently get a new Shih Tzu puppy! I still have Blazer, my boy dog who I got when he was 2. In addition, I now have Gracie, a 9 wk old puppy. Full of energy and funny in the things she does! Having her is a lot of fun, but WAY more work than I ever thought. I had a puppy a long time ago, but she was 6 months when I got her. With Gracie, I'm totally having to learn about puppies. I really do enjoy her though! Blazer however, is not so much enjoying her.

Interesting stuff??

2007-10-23T20:46:00.000-07:00

Trying to keep up on two blogs is interesting. Sometimes, I think I'm going to to post the same thing on both sites. However, if anyone reads both (and who would?) I don't want there to be a chance of them getting bored. Life has settled down for the time being. THANK GOD!! I'm still cautious, but we've gone a couple weeks without much action. It hasn't gone without much discusion and a few mild arguements, but that, I can handle!! It's the "other stuff" that gets tiresome. I'm extremely thankful things have slowed down as my headaches have come back. Damn head!! I think it must be the time of the year. NOTHING has changed in terms of schdule. I never know what to make of these stupid headaches. Just when I think I have 'em figured out, they throw me off. Don't think I will ever figure it out. Would be NICE not to have them at all, but considering.....I always will. Anyway, I'm thankful things have turned around for now and that we are doing better in the "boring" house. I even got a night out to myself last Fri. whoohoo!! One other point of interests or non-interest depending on how one looks at it. I was recently seeing someone. Yep! Me....I "hooked up" with somone, hehe. Don't get too excited, it was pretty short lived. He was a nice guy, but there were a lot of negatives (can't think of a better word) to the relationship. Anyway, not necessarily newsworthy, but hey!, it's something. *grins*....night all!

The adventures of me

2007-10-21T18:08:00.000-07:00

Well, things certainly continue to be ever changing! Preston has kept me on a roller coaster ride the last several weeks. Just when I thought things were getting better, they got worse. Just when I thought things couldn't get any worse, they got.....even worse in my perception. The last couple weeks have continued to teach me to fight for what I think is right or in some cases what isn't right. It has also kept teaching Preston that I am going to stand up for him and support him even when my heart feels like I need to give in. He does seem to be doing a little better, but I'm cautious. Things are always what they appear! Hopefully, though we are getting closer to being more "normal" then they have been for awhile. We shall see!!

So right now.....

2007-10-05T12:47:00.000-07:00

Oh my goodness, oh my goodness!! What a life! Things have been in such chaos for the last month. I have found myself wondering WTF on more than one occasion recently. Well, in fact....about every other day recently!! I am certainly thankful for people that will actually take the time to LISTEN instead of just HEARING or REACTING!! Makes me so grouchy when people "think they know" a situation and they really don't.
I am also thankful not to be working at my "old" job anymore and just have the one job to go to. The hours rock and I no longer have to worry about evenings/weekends. With everything going on in my life at the moment it has been a good thing! For one, I don't have to worry about where Preston is going to be or how to find him when I get off work. I also have a set schedule that is consistent, which again helps with Preston and several other things.
I did "pick up" another job for the time being. You know I can't just have one thing to do. I have started to again babysit at the church I attend. This was kind of an unexpected, but pleasent thing that came up recently. My wonderful friend/"mom" (2nd mom) asked me to help her one night during a class at church. Since then, there have been so many kiddos that she is needing the extra help weekly. Great thing is, I get to catch up with her during the week, spend time with the little ones, and Preston and I are interacting in the church. Sometimes, there are several other things I think I might like to try: like the class, but kids are where my heart is and has always been. I can always pick up the book and read it on my own. Not the same as attending the class, I know, but still something I can/will do at some point.
For now, I am just trying to concentrate on the current situation that has unfolded in the past month. Most things not very good, but I become stubborn in such situations that I am going to "fight to the death"...lol! Not sure who's death though at the moment...lol! Anyway, I am going to see to it that I do everything in my power to do what needs to be done. The rest hopefully will just fall into place. If not, my life will become tougher!

WTF?

2007-09-25T17:32:00.000-07:00

I haven't been in the best mood the last couple weeks. I feel so depressed and it's not a good feeling. I just have so much negative going on in my life right now, that I don't know how to deal with it all. Seems like when I get something "under control" something else happens. I'm trying to do all the "usual" things to keep myself from exploding. I'm so frustrated with people and situations right now. I DON'T like being that way! I just want my life to go back to "normal". Whatever that is at the moment.

My Life This Week

2007-09-14T16:48:00.000-07:00

I had lunch with a friend today at noon. It was interesting because when we got to the resturant, some of my former co-workers were at the same place. I didn't make eye contact really, but wasn't avoiding either. As my friend and I sat and talked, the group got up to leave when they were finished. Two of the girls avoided me at all costs. The other one gave me a fake smile and said "hello". I don't mind in the least that none of them were "friendly", however, the one who was my supervisor at the end hid her face with her hair and ducked her head to avoid me as she was leaving. Makes me laugh actually! If someone is THAT immature that they can't even say hello in a public place, then I didn't need 'em anyway. Sure, seeing them was kinda uncomfortable to me, but I'm not ever going to be that rude that I can't say hello. Talk about someone needing to work on social skills....lol!
In other news, this week went from flat out sucking to ending up fairly decent. I'm sure "why" exactly, I think a lot of it just had to do with my mood at the time. My child got kicked off the football team earlier in the week. I was so disappointed and kind of angry, but in the grand scheme of things, I suppose there are other things I should be more concerned about. He actually seems to be more at ease with himself again, and I think has enough on his plate at the moment with consequences from this summer, that maybe not finishing the year will prove to be good.
I did spend the week at school "teaching" and I LOVED it!! The first day kinda freaked me out, but after that, it was good. I'm looking forward to having my turn again here in a couple weeks. Who'd thought?????
I also spent some time this week talking to another friend I hadn't seen for awhile. It was nice catching up and getting the "low-down" on her latest gossip....lol.

Two more down

2007-09-09T19:08:00.000-07:00

This weekend started out being something of a bore, but ended up not to bad. I was supposed to bowl, but due to my current child situation...didn't. I did go to the bowling alley to see everyone! It was a good time while I was there. I missed everyone. I would have stayed longer, but didn't feel like just watching. If I'm out there, I want to be bowling!!!!
Instead I had a spontaneous date on Fri night. Actually, we didn't go anywhere, the gentleman just came over and we sat on my glider. We talked for about an hour and half. He just happened to be going through town actually, and stopped for a "minute". The guy was very nice and time passed quickly. We had plenty to talk about and laughed a lot. I don't think I was his vision of loveliness though, so I'm sure I will not be hearing from/seeing him again. Two words describe him adorable and shallow. Ok....that was 3....lol.
Sat night I ended up having another date. This one we went out to dinner. This "date" was a bit more interesting. I had a good time, but at the same time was glad when it was over. He was very nice, and we had a good conversation, yet there was a lot missing. I'm sure he won't be calling again either. Oh well! I think I'm only "attracted" to a couple guys and they're not going to be available at this point. Don't know if they ever will, but they're good guys and good friends. Would rather have them as friends then nothing!!
The rest of the weekend was spent doing the all important laundry. Preston spent the weekend with a friend. It was a nice break for both of us I think. He seemed to enjoy time with his friend, so that's a good thing. This is kinda a new friendship, so we can hope it works out. Seems to be a good thing so far. I know the parents, so that is very helpful! Hopefully this week will go well for both of us. He has a game this week, so hopefully they will win!

Nothing much to report

2007-09-05T18:59:00.000-07:00

I'm so tired!! This hasn't been the best week really. It was so hard to come back from the long weekend. I was late getting to work yesterday, which wasn't good. Today, there was a new student who wouldn't do anything asked of him/her. Not that I was the only one dealing with the student, just made everyone tired by the end of the day. Thank goodness tomorrow is the "last" day of preschool for the week. I never thought I could get so tired by the end of the week working with that age group. I must be getting old or something.
On top of that, my allergies have been driving me up a wall this week. I know it's getting to be fall and that always brings some changes for allergies, but sheesh!! I back to itchy eyes and not being able to breathe real well. Just great when working with kiddos!!...lol I need to stop my whinning........then again, I don't have to if I don't want to! :)

For The Love of.....

2007-08-31T17:22:00.000-07:00

Sheesh.....what the "h" is my deal!! I am jealous about a situation that I can neither control nor change at this point in my life. Of course, if I could change the situation, I would do so to my benefit. I really need to just "get over it" and deal! Easier said then done!! Who knows how this situation will eventually turn out, but for the moment I'm just jealous! That's all I can say!! Might be nice if I could talk to someone about this that might actually care, but I will just get the usual response: "don't worry about it," "slow down," maybe something will happen down the road". Yeah, that's always my personal "favorite! I want something and want it now.....wish I knew how to get it!!

Must have sleep

2007-08-25T12:42:00.000-07:00

For some reason I have a lot to say the last couple weeks. Not sure "why", but it's felt kinda good to get back to doing some writing. Even if it's about "nothing"! I used to write all the time, but just hadn't much til now. My dad used to "make me" write when I was "bored" and had "nothing" to do. HHHMMM.......
I finally got to sleep in today. I really needed to do so after this week of getting up early and going to bed WAY to late! Not that I'm doing "anything" of importance, just been getting to bed late. Preston did have his "first" game this week. A scrimmage anyway! Fun watching him being involved with that. I think we both really needed some extra sleep this morning, so it was nice to be able to take advantage of it.
I got my first digital camera the other day. I figured you could just open the package and start taking pics. Oh no! You MUST read the directions first....lol! Not as easy as I thought. I'm going to try and get some pics up on my myspace page for people to see. Leave a comment here or there if you check it out. Have one now, but it's not of me. THANK GOD! Anyway, I think having a digital cam is going to be more fun then I thought. I haven't had a camera of any type for such a long time!! It will be nice to have with football games starting up, plus I just needed one to have on hand so that I can have my pics of Preston. In the process of getting the camera I saw handsome "walmart guy" who used to be handsome "alco guy"....lol! Just a guy I'm kinda friends with who I think is just very handsome. Known him for several years and a lot of fun to talk to! A good friend if anything.

Lots of Blah Blah Blah

2007-08-22T18:16:00.001-07:00

Preschool started on Monday and it has been nothing but a good time! We do have a couple little "high demand" kiddos, but nothing a little "grumpy bear chair" can't fix. Preschool really has been a lot of fun this week. Can't believe tomorrow is the end of the first week. I've done my best to follow directions, color nice, and get along with my new friends. Oh wait! Maybe I'm the "high demand" kiddo....lol.
Happy Birthday to my friend Dawn! Can't believe it's her big day again. Tried getting ahold of her this evening, but she's probably living it up! Hopefully, I will get to chat with her. In any event HAPPY BIRTHDAY to my beautiful friend Dawn!!
Just got a new Myspace page. If you feel the urge, check it out. Haven't done anything cool to it, mostly cause I don't know how. I'm so not a techie. I did put another blog on there though, and will try to keep this one and the one on Myspace from saying the same things. I've really been in the mood to write lately, so it might not be that hard.

Official First Day of Preschool

2007-08-20T14:34:00.000-07:00

So, right now my life kinda sucks! Well, not totally, but enough that I'm on a rant for the first part of this. With the most recent events of my son, I'm having trouble "letting it go". He's still grounded and by golly will probably be that way for some time! I am having a hard time just letting things fall as they may. In the process I'm severly stressing myself out. I could use some good friends to be around, they are, just not physically. I just am so afraid of it happening again, or something worse happening. Logic tells me that no worry in the world is going to help/or be good for me with this. I just need to continue being "the mean 'B' I have been in recent weeks, but that is WAY out of my comfort zone. Anyone who knows me even kind of knows that!!
One thing I am comfortable with is my new job of working in the school. Today was the first day for the preschool kiddos to be in class. It was a very fun day with much activity. Some kiddos were crying, others were just wondering "when do we get to play"? Several of the kiddos I had had contact with last year and it was fun seeing them again. Of course, this year they are "big" kids....lol! All in all it was a fun day with lots of fun memories in store I'm sure.

Answers To Some Prayers

2007-08-15T15:25:00.000-07:00

Some things have been going better. I have started my new job at school and LOVE being back there!! It's going to be a fun year I think.....or I'm planning for it to be. There are going to be new kids of course, and new experiences to be had. One new thing for me will be "teaching". That's right! Yours truely will be getting my first experience at actually teaching preschoolers in a group. Scary! I know!! I also think it will be fun. I'm thinking this will help me decide if I want to get my teaching degree or not. I've thought about it for years, but have never done it. Preston also starts school tomorrow which will be good for him. He's been doing some better since last weeks "little" incident. He's not out of the "woods" yet, and he's aware of it. I'm hoping and praying that this will give him the wake-up call he needs to get himself more on track with being responsible. Keep praying for us!
I'm not missing Alco like I thought I might. I went in the other day and it was kind of wierd, but wasn't in there too long. I miss a couple of my friends who I worked with, but don't miss much else about it. It was a good place to work and everyone was very nice, just not where my heart is as far as a job. I'm so glad my prayers were answered on that one!
My friend read my blog the other day. It was kinda neat having someone read it and knowing they were at that moment. I'm truely blessed with my friendship I have formed with him. He's a great person and I think very fondly of him.
I finally got a myspace page last night. I have NO idea what I'm doing on there or how to do anything, but I guess I'm finally on. I haven't really done much to it, just set it up last night.
One last note: My dad's b-day was officially yesterday. I don't think there was anymore partying, but I got to go over and wish him a good b-day. I had hoped Preston might come in and do the same, but didn't. It's going to take awhile, hopefully it will happen though.

Very Tired

2007-08-13T18:33:00.000-07:00

Yesterday we had my dad's 60th b-day party. It was a really nice time. We had several friend's of my parents over for dinner and of course b-day cake. The big day really isn't til tomorrow, but last night was a time everyone could get together. It was a good night with lots of food and stories about "back when". I wish it could have been more of the party originally planned, but it was a nice time nonetheless. The night would have been much better had my son decided to come join in with the party.
It's been a stressful month or so concerning my child. About a month ago he got in a fight with another peer and is now going to have "answer" for that. Unfortunately, he has not stopped since that time. Over the last week he has put me through even more with his "oneary" or just down right "naughty" behavior. Can't really go into details but let's just say I am SO GLAD school is going to be starting and even more glad football practice started today. He has been on such a "roll" with his negative behavior in the last month that I'm about to scream!! I've finally had to try and learn how to turn into a "B" which has been way hard for me. I do think he's finally finding out I mean business though in the way I have been handling his poor choices of late. My mom keeps telling me I'm going to be one tough "momma" by the time this is over. Let's hope so! "Welcome to parenting" is all everyone can say to me!...lol! Just keep us in your prayers cause right now we need 'em.
I am still talking with my new friend who I went out with. I was stressing at first cause he wasn't talking to me. However, I think things are ok now. At least I'm praying they're ok between us. We have been talking and that has been nice. As I have said several times of late, if we just stay "only friends" that will be fine with me. I would LOVE for something more to happen, but I will be content to just be friends with this guy. He is too good a guy to try and push for anything more at this time.

Eight Random Facts

2007-08-02T20:06:00.000-07:00

The 8 Random Things Meme
The rules:
1. Let others know who tagged you.
2. Players start with 8 random facts about themselves.
3. Those who are tagged should post these rules and their 8 random facts.
4. Players should tag 8 other people and notify them they have been tagged.
Eight Random Facts:
1. I collect things with my name spelled the correct way. Very hard to find things spelled Stacie. 2.I would rather read or listen to music then watch tv. Always been that way. Right now I have hardly had my tv on in the past 3 months.
3. I have begun to journal again. Some of it is done on here. Some of it done in private. I have always loved to write.
4. I would love to be a nurse. I think it has to do with the medical things I had going on early in life. Have wanted to be a children's nurse for a long time.
5. My favorite food has always been anything Italian.
6. I have a pretty big library of books. I love going to a bookstore and spending all day there wishing I had the money to spend.
7. I love watching stand up comedy.
8. I love going different places. I would love to travel more if I had the money to do so.

Am I still sane?

2007-07-30T13:05:00.000-07:00

Well this weekend was certainly interesting to say the least. I have been having such a time with Preston since the adoption. Nothing actually bad, just that the little things have been adding up. He's going to be in high school in about 3 weeks so I'm trying EVERYTHING I can to make sure we stay on the right track in these last couple weeks. He's going to be and is an awesome kid, he's just making me earn a ton of grey hair at the moment!! Thankfully, I have such a HUGE support system that I know we're going to make it. Let me just say I'm REALLY learning to for once in my life become assertive!!
I did have the date this weekend. My parents met him which was actually cool. We spent the day going to lunch and just really having a wonderful time talking and laughing. I finally got to talk to him about a misson trip he had gone on a few years ago and see pics as well. That was SO fascinating to me!! I got to learn more then I would have ever known about another part of the world.
Towards evening we went to the fair and hung out for awhile. Introduced the poor guy to tons more people and some more family members. Assured him there would not be a quiz that evening, but probably one in the future....lol! I'm kidding of course! The Heather Shelley concert was a lot of fun. She sang songs from her upcoming album and then some older songs which was fun. After the concert I got introduced to Regina Spektor's music. Very interesting, fun music to be introduced to.
The evening ended on a good note. I think he is kind of planning on coming for my class reunion. That would be a lot of fun to have him here for that and share some more of my growing up days with him. I am just PRAYING at this point that we continue to be friends and that I can feel at ease with calling him and continuing this friendship that we started a year ago.

Exhausted

2007-07-22T15:42:00.000-07:00

This weekend has been nuts!! Ok, so the entire month has kinda been that way. I can't believe the month is almost gone. I haven't even done anything "fun"! Do you get to do that as an adult?? Seems like all I've accomplished this month is going to work, spending time with Preston, and sleeping. A few lousy dates thrown in here and there and you have "how I spent my summer vacation"! The one person I would truely like to go out with, won't or can't ask me. Don't know which it is....haven't "decided" yet. I do have a date coming up with someone I have been friends with for over a year now. I'm pretty excited/nervous about it. I think it's going to be fun since we're going to a concert, but I always worry about the "after". Will he ask me out again? I know I'm getting way ahead of myself at the moment!
We survived summer driver's ed. We or rather Preston is now able to drive, although thankfully not on his own. Won't be able to do that yet for awhile.....THANK GOD! We did get his info for school and man is it expensive to go to school today!! I knew college was, but high school?? Sheesh!! Preston does start football camp this week. He is looking forward to that. I am looking forward to that....lol. I know it's going to be good for him to start getting back into a routine. We have been WAY to lax this summer in our routine, so camp will be nice to start getting back on schedule.

Should have done this Monday

2007-06-30T20:26:00.000-07:00

I really needed to get on here the other day and get this done. The adoption is final! Yep, I'm an "official mom"! I've been so excited since Monday. I think we are both so much more relaxed. I know I am as far as knowing everything now is complete. I think P is more relaxed too, knowing that everything is final and he can now forever call this his home. However, who knew adoption would lead to the "tough" questions...lol! No grace period for me!!...LOL! Oh well, I was ready and we have had some really great conversations this week. Anyway, this has been the best week!! I'm so glad to finally have everything final!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MY MOM

2007-06-21T18:50:00.000-07:00

Yep! Today is my mom's b-day. I've only gotten to talk to her, but haven't seen her. She's out on the "town" with "the girls" as far as I know. She's always been hard to track down...lol. Been driving around with Preston. Yep, he's started driving folks. He's been doing pretty good, but I'm also waiting for him to start "driving like a teenager" any day. Preston went and practiced with my mom last night, which was a surprise to me. She never went with my sister and I. Never really heard back from the "sweet man" I went out with recently. I'm pretty much thinking he broke his promise WE made, so that sucks. Not that I'm hurt or surprised....I'm neither. I figured it would happen. What is it with these men? I'm telling you!! I'm not a man basher, but I'm getting to the point I don't trust any of them. Sheesh!! I do have to say though that even though I haven't heard from him really again, it was a very nice day spent with his friends and son. I really did have a lot of fun.

CRAPPY NEWS!!!

2007-06-14T13:15:00.000-07:00

Preston's adoption has been moved from this monday to next monday. I'm very bummed and haven't broken the news to Preston as of yet!

Allergy Update

2007-06-13T13:02:00.000-07:00

Went to the allergy doctor this morning and my sinus infection is gone!! THANK GOODNESS! Doctor said everything looked and sounded good, so I guess I am improving! I still have to stay away from certain foods, but that is getting easier. I go back again in three months, so hopefully there will be even more improvement at that time. I also found out why some people are more allergic to cats then dogs (like me). I has to do with their saliva and a protein in it. The doctor informed me that since everyone reacts different to things, some people react more to cats then dogs. Plus the fact that cats lick themselves everywhere and most dogs don't is another reason. So again I say DOGS RULE!!

What a special person

2007-06-10T15:21:00.000-07:00

I had one of the BEST days/dates I have ever had. Maybe I have said that before, but this time it's very true! Met someone about a month ago.. talked and spent time getting to know things about this person, and then finally decided today would be the day to meet. I have never been so nervous, excited, scared, happy, and enjoyed myself as much as I did today. There's not a lot I really actually want to share as far as details, but I will say this: The person I "went out with" is one of the most soft-hearted, kindest men I have met in a long time....maybe ever! He was very much a gentleman and set many of my fears about being rejected/dumped at ease right away. We made a promise not to hurt each other so I'm PRAYING that that still holds up on his end after today. Very scary for me to trust or start trusting someone after so much and rejection. Anyone who knows me, knows it won't happen on my end and that at this point I'm biting my nails I can begin to trust. In any event, the date/meeting was a wondeful day spent getting to know someone who was very sweet and treated me the way all people should treat each other!

Ten day count down

2007-06-08T15:04:00.000-07:00

Yes I am counting down ten days...then Preston will REALLY be mine!!! You better believe I'm excited! I already cry just thinking about it. Of course he's been mine for over 2yrs, but this is going to make it official! My parents and I were talking to him about it the other night. I think he's excited too, but as a teenager doesn't want me to know it. Keep us in your prayers as we count down the days to the official day!
In other news summer is in full swing. I got some flowers planted the other day. Don't have a clue what I'm doing as far as what they need, but they look nice for now!...lol I'm figuring out I should've listened to my grandma much more then I did on flowers. She was always SO good raising them and making them look awesome! Other then that, I have been working a lot and of course sleeping little. Preston is taking driver's ed which I think he's excited about but again, doesn't want me to show! Actually, I KNOW he's much more excited about training for football this summer. Don't know how the kid's going to get up, but we shall see....lol! He's been working some this summer, so that is good for him. I didn't want him to get a "real" job this summer. He needs to just be a kid for awhile, but he has been doing some odd jobs. Seems to be enjoying them, but again....does anyone notice a pattern here with this kid??
My allergies suck! Just when I think they're going to get better the wind blows a 100mph for a couple days which makes everything go nuts! Sheesh....what's a sneezy girl to do? Continue with shots and sneeze as needed I guess......

Allergies...Oh my goodness

2007-05-20T20:19:00.000-07:00

I had new allergy testing done about 2 weeks ago. It wasn't good...lol! When all said and done, I was just as, if not more allergic to the world as I was after having it done 4 yrs ago. Found out I also have a chronic sinus infection so am on antibiotics for a month...maybe less now since it's been a few weeks. Had my first allergy shot Fri. Thought it went rather well, however, by Fri night...I was having trouble breathing. My dad asked me if I had been running...yeah right! :) Finally got the breathing to chill out, woke up Sat and morning and could hardly speak. Great!! So now, I've experienced some shortness of breath and now I can't talk! What's a girl to do?? I try calling the 24 hr line at the allergy dr. I get a hold of of the receptionist (?) tell her a brief report of what's going on. She calls the dr and no answer. No biggie: she pages the dr., tells me he will call back at some point. Ok....so I'm waiting. I NEVER get called back!! I still have very little voice and now I'm cranky....not a good combo. To make matters worse, I got the worst news possible about someone I deeply care about. So, today's gone from bad to worse!
Ok, today I call my family dr. at home. HATE DOING THAT!! Wouldn't normally, but under the circumstances felt it was needed. This dr. DOES call me back and tells me that my voice is just allergy related. Good....least it's not anything to major. I have to double up on the allergy meds for awhile. So now let's review...i can now breathe, but have a crappy voice, i'm supposed to start doing allergy shots twice a week but......well, let's just say this does not excite me! I think in the long run I'm going to be feeling much better, but for the time being this is pretty nuts! Thank goodness for family dr's! Thank goodness my family dr is kind of a family friend! Tonight, I'm happy to say my voice has improved a little so that is a good sign. Something even more exciting is I think I can faintly smell again! I haven't been able to do that for well over a yr! Pretty exciting to me!! Will keep readers informed on the latest.........

Hello out there

2007-05-16T14:49:00.000-07:00

Oh my goodness!! Has anyone missed me??...LOL Been forever since I was last on my own computer or seems like it anyway! I finally got a new one this week and it is awesome to have one again. Of course, my dog was "informed" that insurance does not cover him eating my computer!! Actually, since this is a new one, we have it hooked up differently.
School is about over. One more week left and Preston will be out for the summer. Don't know if I'm ready for that, but then I don't have a choice. He is very much a teenager is all I can say!...LOL He actually has been doing pretty good, but he is starting to press his limits. He had met a new friend to that wasn't exactly the best influence on him. He's now "grounded" from going to the boy's house...so far it has helped.
Not much going on in my world. Working way to much, but at least I'm starting to get caught up...FINALLY!! It's taking forever, but at least I'm getting there. Other than that, my time is devoted to Preston and what he's doing.

Random thoughts

2007-04-12T12:15:00.000-07:00

Why is it that every time I sit down to blog, I forget what I was going to blog about. I know, I know....in the words of my mom "write it down"! My brain should remember is what I always say!
It's been 4 days since the "date" and I haven't heard a word from the guy I went out with. Not that I expected to, but at the same time it would be nice. Oh well, I wasn't that "in" to him really after we met. Got my taxes done for the year. That was a nice feeling. Actually, I don't "do" them, someone gets them done for me. With my math ability/inability I would hate to even try and touch something like that. I'm much, much better at working with kids!! My throat has been hurting and that always kind of drives me "batty"! Do I call/not call the doctor....is always the delima!! I get stupid drainage from my allergies which somehow always affects my right side. It has something to do with my shunt tube. Anyway, not having the drainage, just a sore throat. That's why I'm not sure if I need to call the doctor or not. I'll probably just "tough it", but in the meantime, it stinks!! It could be worse I know.

The Last Couple Days

2007-04-10T07:37:00.000-07:00

Easter was a good time over the weekend. I spent the morning at church babysitting the little ones in the nursery. That is always a fun time. Poor little girl that was in there though had all the little boys to contend with! After church, I went to my parents with Preston and had Easter dinner with my family and a couple of my parents' friends. The food was awesome! That afternoon I had a date. The date was fine, but not someone I want to go out with again. Not that he's going to ask, but still... the man had 4 kids and had been divorced for 6 years. We spent probably 2 hours talking and the conversation was nice. I got the feeling though that he's VERY set in his ways of being single. I also got the family that money is VERY important to him. Don't know those things for sure, just feelings I had. Anyway, it was nice to meet the guy, but I don't think that he would be a good match for me at this time. Later in the evening I talked with a friend which was a good time. I had some catching up to do so it was nice talking to her. Preston and I also went with my parents to the home of the couple who had come over for dinner and watched the movie Happy Feet. It was a cute movie! Lots of music and dancing. Yeasterday was spent just hanging out with Preston. It was a good day to do that since it was cold and kinda rainy.

2007-04-03T16:39:00.000-07:00

Congratulations to my cousin who called last night to let me know she is engaged!! She has been dating her soon to be husband for a while. Unfortunately, I don't know him to well, but I know she has been very happy with him! Don't know when the wedding is going to be, but looking forward to hearing about the wedding plans and getting to be there on her big day!
I continue working a lot and having little time to do much else. Have been going to read my friend's blog for the longest time now, but with no computer and little time....I haven't been able to. The dog has not done damage to anything new as of this posting. Thankgoodness!! He still wants to eat the mailman alive, but he has been able to go outside the past several days/weeks so that helps. Out in the back yard I might add!...LOL
I'm looking forward to Easter Sunday. Not sure what if anything is going on, but it will be nice to have a day to actually not be working. Preston has a couple days out of school for the break too, so it will be nice to maybe be able to do something with him. I need to get an Easter "basket" for him. I know what you're thinking: "he's too old". However, I don't think he got them growing up, therefore, I think it's fun for him to get one for at least a couple years. Besides, my sister and I got them til we were out of the house. I'm sure it's going to be a good day. I at least get to go the church and I'm looking forward to that.

2007-03-24T21:09:00.000-07:00

Wow! This month has gone by quickly! Maybe not for some, but for me it has. Preston will be going back to school this week. He has been enjoying spring break and has been spending lots of time riding bikes with friends. Good thing....he's going to be starting track when school starts again. At least he will be in shape a little bit.
Work has been going well and insane! I have been working so much and FINALLY took my first full weekend off last weekend to go to state bowling tournament. It's been a long time since I had a full weekend off! It was a great time. We stayed at Harrah's which I had never been to. We bowled 6 games on Sat and 3 on Sun! There was some sleeping in between, but not much. I didn't bowl all that great Sun morning. Guess getting in at 3 in the morning isn't exactly the best thing when you have to bowl at noon! Oh, but what fun though! Several of us were fairly lucky at the casinos which made the trip even more fun. We finally got home around 10 or so Sun night, and thank goodness I didn't have to work til the afternoon.
Now I have this stupid a^% cough!! All I've been doing since about the time I got back from the weekend is cough. Part of it is from allergies, but I don't care where ANY of it came from....I want it all gone!!! I'm taking cough medicine so hopefully, it will begin helping soon. If not, I guess working for a PA is the best "free medical" advice I can get! My allergies have gone from annoying to insane, so I'm not sure there's any help for me in the near future! Hopefully, but not holding my breath!

My doggie ate my computer

2007-03-03T20:43:00.000-08:00

Yep! That's right Mr. Blazer has gone and done it again!! This time it's NOT good! Let me set the "scene" for you all. Everyday the mailman comes and Blazer is bound and determined that he is going to "eat" the mailman! At first, I had curtains in my living room that he eventually tore down.....rod and all! My parents helped me get that fixed eventually although there is now not a curtain hanging. Ever since that time Blazer has been biting at the computer wires when the mailman comes. Thankfully, the computer has never been on. UNFORTUNATELY, Blazer finally tore the wires out enough that I came home one day to find all the wires out and the mouse "eaten". No, not really eaten, but enough of the wire messed up that I thought going and buying a new one would fix the problem. Oh no! This of course was the least of my worries! Ended up, I called a friend down the street to look at the computer. My doggie had done enough damage that the fan inside had come apart, not only that, but the "mother board" would not cooperate when my friend did several tests on it. I guess maybe I can't blame it all on the dog, although it makes for a good story! I'm thinking that when I get a new one, that I need to make myself either crate or leave Mr. Troublemaker outside. I also do know that the computer we had was pretty old, so who knows if he actually killed the mother board or not. Having said all this, that is why I haven't blogged for so long again. Also, I will now have to start over on my "life story" which stinks. Oh well!! Poor doggie! He just gets so mad at the mailman! Maybe if he didn't bring so many bills...lol!

Crappy Valentines Day...LOL

2007-02-15T18:27:00.001-08:00

First, I made it through Valentines Day! After crying the eve of and then in the day some, I thought I did pretty well! No, I wasn't crying cause I miss the ex, but more so I think because of feeling lonely and wanting to find a new friend/companion. It's also getting close to the one year mark of when I had confirmation of everything going on. I did have a couple of nice surpises during the day. One being talking to my friend "M". That was a nice surprise and made my day better!! The other wasn't so much a suprise just unexpected! I got to talk to a friend at church who I had been trying to get together with for sometime. She has just been do wonderful in helping me keep in "check" with my faith, so it was nice to finally sit and talk with her. It was nice being able catching up with her and always nice having a different perspective on things. She also works closely with the youth and has been a blessing in helping me keep Preston interested in youth activities at church!!
I think I'm going to begin being a "nanny" for a family. I'm pretty excited about this venture and hope that it is going to work for the better. I've been taking care of the children for a few weeks now and it seems to be going well as far as Preston and I. Hopefully, it will continue to go well. Would give me more income which is greatly needed! There are a couple other possibilities if they work out. Sure would be a lot better physically for me. Cross your fingers/pray/keep me in your thoughts on these possible changes!

Just Thinking

2007-02-08T19:07:00.000-08:00

I seem to never get around to blogging which makes me disappointed in me. I started this blog to have time to write, which I love to do. I just don't seem to make the time I guess. One of the things I have been going to write about is my friend Dawn's recent blog about "fashion wheelchairs". What the heck?? I haven't checked out this site yet, but from what my friend Dawn has to say about it, I'm not going to. I guess my point to bringing this up is that I am so sick of society trying to make an issue out of everything! Our society seems obsessed with a certain look and making everyone conform to that certain standard. I'm either getting crabbier in my old age, am just catching on to something that has been going on for a long time, or maybe both. I just am so sick of having to read about some "poor" girl who is starving herself just to get a job or keep up with what society thinks is attractive! PLEASE!! Give me a break!! Just be healthy and take care of yourself! I'll maybe get a lot of flack for this blog, but I'm just tired of being judged on what I look like and not the kind of person I am! I think I'm a great person who has a lot to give others. Just feel like I have to vent cause I get SO tired of being a "great person", but not the "right " person. More like the "right look"! I just don't get it....maybe I never will.

Another swiped from friends

2007-01-15T14:15:00.000-08:00

Ten movies you’d watch over and over:
1. Grease
2-6. Star Wars
6-8. Titanic
9. Liar Liar
10. Bruce Almighty
Nine people you enjoy the company of:
1. Stephanie
2. Georgie
3. Kim
4. Donna
5. My son
6. Pam
7. Alicia
8. Kathy
9. Kristal
Eight things you’re wearing:
1. Glasses
2. Hoodie
3. T-shirt
4. Jeans
5. Braces
6. Socks
7. Undies
8. Shoes
Seven things on your mind:
1. Wanting to get my Masters
2. Preston going to high school next year
3. Money struggles
4. Needing a better job
5. Lonliness
6. Friends I haven't heard from in a long time!!
7. Boredem
Six objects you touch every day:
1. Blazer
2. Cell
3. My comp
4. Clothes
5. My toothbrush
6. My washcloth
Five things you do everyday:
1. Brush teeth
2. Email
3. Brush hair
4. Wash face
5. Put on specs
Four bands or musical artists that you couldn’t live without:
1. Nickelback
2. Tim McGraw
3. Rascal Flatts
4. Martina McBride
Three of your favorite songs of the moment:
1. Watching You
2. Go with Me
3. The Woman in My Life
Two people who have influenced your life the most:
1. My parents
2. My grandparents
One person who has been nice to you today:
1. My son

Does Anyone Read This Thing?

2007-01-15T14:02:00.000-08:00

Wow!! I really do need to blog more often! Had a good holiday season. Nothing to exciting, just got together with friends and family. The two days before New Year's Eve, I had a date with a guy I met from Wichita. VERY handsome guy, but turns out his character was not so great! Blew me off a couple days later. Totally and completely blew me off!! What a jerk! Kind of decided after that date, that maybe I'm just not ready to date yet. I spent the next evening babysitting three boys all night, which was kind of fun. The kids were good, which always is a blessing. New Year's Eve, didn't do much. Went to eat with a co-worker, and then spent the evening with my dog Blazer! We had a fun time together. Other than that, been working a lot and going to games when Preston has them. He just completed basketball, and is going to TRY wrestling. I don't think he's really that excited about it, but all his buddies are in it, so he wants to be with them. Finally, he's getting some good buddies!! I must say, this year peer pressure has been good for him with sports!

Christmas Time

2006-12-25T18:20:00.000-08:00

Christmas sure is different as an adult! Not exactly a bad things, just different!! First, there is the family thing which used to be a huge deal when grandma was with us. We would all gather at her house at noon and spend the day eating and opening gifts. Now that she isn't here, the family Christmas thing has for some reason dissolved. Yes, the family has gotten bigger over the last several year, but grandma wouldn't have wanted us to all go our seperate ways. We still spend time with the family, it's just not the WHOLE family now. No one asked me though....maybe they should have!
This week was pretty stressful anyway. I thought it was going to be less not having fighting to deal with, but it seemed to be more. Maybe I'm just getting older and crabbier....lol! I did finally get my shopping done somehow and presents wrapped! Preston seemed to be pretty impressed with most of what he got. That's always a good thing!! I did receive a phone call from my ex-spouse this week. I sure wasn't going to answer the phone, but apparently, he can't take a hint that not answering means "I don't want to talk to you"! Finally, answered the phone and just was not the nicest person or even remotely close!! What the heck was he thinking calling me this time of year? What the heck was he thinking calling me at all!!!! Not real proud of myself for the way I was to him, but hey! can I help it that everytime I hear his voice it brings pain back too me??
Thankfully, this day was a good one!! It was nice getting together with the family we did and it was just nice having a day to spend with my son! I even got to go to church last night which was a great time!! The service was really wonderful!

Suppose I need to update?...lol

2006-12-16T14:09:00.000-08:00

What an interesting month this has been! Can't believe it's almost Christmas!! I'm recovering from the flu, which has not been fun. Just glad I guess that it happened before Christmas. Dang flu!! What's up with getting the shot and still getting the flu?? I know, I know, you're not supposed to get it as bad! Still, it would be nice to get it at all!! Hopefully, none of my other friends/family get it in the near future! I haven't eaten much in the last week which according to the nurse is alright as long as I'm drinking fluids. Yeah, I am!!
Other than that, we continue with basketball games at least once a week! Preston's team had a tournament this past week which didn't go to well. He got moved up from "C" team to "B" team and hasn't decided if that is a good thing or not...lol! School is still going well for him. This is his last week before Christmas break, and although he will say "no", I think the year is going fast for him and that he has enjoyed it so much more than last year! Lots have made comments to me about what an awesome year he's having, so I am thrilled for him too!!
I had an interview for a job at the school this week, which I am praying I get! I think the interview was good, but it's never easy knowing what the other party is thinking. If I got it, it would be prefect since I would be on the same schedule as Preston! Keep your fingers crossed that I get it! If not, I'm still fairly happy being at my current job. Just is so hard on my feet, but much better since being moved to cashier!

Swiped From Friends

2006-11-29T19:52:00.000-08:00

One Word meme a la Jennifer and Dawn
You can only type one word. No explanations.
Yourself: silly
Your Partner: nonexistent
Your Hair: medium
Your Mother: incredible
Your Father: strong
Your Favorite Item: earrings
Your Dream Last Night: calm
Your Favorite Drink: Diet Coke
Your Dream Car: Mustang
Your Dream Home: paid for
The Room You Are In: cold
Your Ex: gone
Your Fear: lonliness
Where You Want to be in Ten Years: happy
Who You Hung Out With Last Night: Preston
What You’re Not: bitchy
Muffins: yummy
One of Your Wish List Items: house
Time: night
The Last Thing You Did: TV
What You Are Wearing: clothes
Your Favorite Weather: warm
Your Favorite Book: all
Last Thing You Ate: hotdog
Your Life: amazing
Your Mood: happy
Your Best Friends: inspirational
What Are You Thinking About Right Now: hawaii
Your Car: Malibu
What Are You Doing At The Moment: TV
Your Summer: educational
Relationship Status: dating??????
What Is On Your TV: news
What Is The Weather Like: COLD!!!!!
When Is The Last Time You Laughed: tonight

I ate too much turkey

2006-11-27T19:21:00.000-08:00

Unfortunately, Thanksgiving is over. We spent the day with my aunt and uncle. I got a pleasent surprise in that one of my cousins was home and I didn't expect that. It was nice having family time and being able to just enjoy a day.
Now it's another week. I continue to be busy with working and keeping up after my kiddo! I'm actually starting to enjoy life most of the time again. Been awhile since I could say that. Still the occasional days of crabbiness and hopelessness, but doing better overall.
We got the Christmas tree out over the weekend. It's not decorated, but it's out and up! We started putting the lights on it the other night, but then realized that we only had one strand that worked. Off to the store we will have to go this weekend to get more lights! We also bought these HUGE and I mean HUGE stockings the other night. We don't know if we have been good enough to have them filled all the way, but we're hoping!!

Can't wait for the pumpkin pie

2006-11-19T15:03:00.000-08:00

Thankfully, this week is over! I don't know why, but I was just SO bored this week!! I worked a lot so I shouldn't have been. I don't think it was so much being bored as being annoyed all week! I work with a high school person who is VERY annoying. I know, I know, I'm probably forgetting what it was like to be a teen, but hey that's life! Anyway, this person works in the afternoon/evenings and just does/says a lot of immature things that are not enjoyable or entertaining to listen to. Of course the stuff this person is talking about has only said the same thing to me about a hundred times, so it's gotten old. K...I'll shut up now that I've gotten it out of my system! :)
This week is going to be enjoyable since it is Thanksgiving week. Preston and I will be going to my aunt and uncles for the day. It will be nice not to have to "fight" over where to go this year. I can just enjoy spending time with my family who I enjoy being with. I'm looking forward to eating a lot of turkey...or the thought of it is exciting! I also can just nap all day so it will be a good day!
My work hours are going to be crazy and I'm going to experience my first "day after thanksgiving" shopping day. Fortunately, I don't have to be there to open in the morning. Also, fortunately, cute co-worker guy will be there to talk to, so it's all good! I will have to work pretty late, which will cause Preston to have to stay with my parents most of the evening, but he seems to be adjusting to it finally. He loves my dad!! They seem to be bonding which is such a good thing for them both.

What a boring week

2006-11-16T18:53:00.000-08:00

My birthday stunk! I had to work the whole evening, which wasn't terrible, but not what I would have liked to do on my birthday. My whole week has pretty much stunk!! It's been WAY better then last week though. At least I haven't been crying all week again. I've had to work a lot this week which has been making me tired. The cold weather is NOT fun!!
I'm not communicating with "the guy" anymore! I emailed him Sunday just to say "hello", and haven't heard a thing since. I decided I'm to old for someone who keeps changing their mind about what they want in a relationship. I also decided he was too immature in doing what he was doing in constantly changing his mind! Some people's kids!!...lol I also decided (at least for this week...haha) that I'm looking at any guy with interest! They are too much TROUBLE! Most of them handsome, but all of them trouble! ;)
At least I have the day off tomorrow! I'm so excited about that!! I am really going to enjoy having one day off this week. I have to work the rest of the weekend.

Mixed messages and my birthday

2006-11-12T15:22:00.000-08:00

Tomorrow is my birthday!! YeeHaw!! Not a lot going on really. The plans I DID have were canceled...more on that in a moment. My family and I are supposed to be having a spaghetti dinner tonight, but mom and dad are putting in a new dishwasher. No telling if the dinner's going to happen or not! I just worked all weekend and have to work part of tomorrow too. Not that I mind I guess! Need the money, so it's good to be able to work to make some.
The guy I went out with several weeks ago can't seem to make up his (my mind) mind about what it is he wants. We talked the other night, I thought things were fine, then I get an email stating he wants to be friends, nothing more! FINE!!I'm too confussed (and old) for this! I think I'm just going to email him, see if he responds, and not worry about it to much. If he ever makes up his mind he can let me know. We were supposed to get together this weekend for my birthday, but that got canceled due to him not being able to decide what he wants.

Short, but something

2006-11-07T20:47:00.000-08:00

I finally heard from the guy I've been missing the last couple days. He didn't say much, but at least it was nice too hear from him. I had just gotten so used to talking nightly to him that it's a BIG switch too all the sudden not be doing that any longer. Anyway, it was good to get an email and again see that he is of his word.
I'm going to be looking in to getting my Masters. I have wanted to for a long time now, and talked to someone today who kind of gave me some good information. I'm going to call and see if I can get information tomorrow on the program I'm wanting too get in too. That could keep me busy for the next few years!! I'm also thinking about enrolling Preston and I in a night college class just to give him the experience of going on a campus and taking a class. It would be something like ceramics or photography! They even have a bowling class we could take, so I will have to see.

No word yet

2006-11-06T20:09:00.000-08:00

The last few days have been miserable for me as far as the guy situation goes. (of course, I also have a cold so that never helps!) I MISS the nightly conversations I was getting used to. I MISS feeling like I have someone who I can "reach" out to and have a "guys" opinion on my own child. I'm sure I'm blowing this guy situation into more than it was/should be, but I can't help but think there was something special starting between us! I did email him tonight, I couldn't"help" it! I may not be the first not to phone, but I'm going to give the email a try. Hopefully he continues to stay true to his word and will respond in some fashion. Email might be best at this point! I would LOVE to hear his voice, but don't want to (be me) and cry over the phone with him again!! Poor guy! For those who read this, keep your fingers crossed for me!!

Broken Hearted but THANKFUL

2006-11-04T20:11:00.000-08:00

Today turned out not to be a good day! The guy I went out with several weeks ago emailed me today to let me know that as of now there is no "us". Back when we went out he had commented he didn't know if he wanted to be more than friends and could we just talk and be just friends for now. Well, ever since that night, we have spent every night on the phone talking and he would say things like "we" and "us". I was sincerely pursuing everything as "just a friend" and enjoyed our conversations at night. Apparently, the other party felt like it was more serious than "just friends". Not really sure actually. More confused than anything! I'm really sad that he has made the decision to not pursue this anymore. I am THANKFUL that he at least sent me an email letting me know what he was thinking at this moment. As I said before....it still SUCKS, but at least he is decent enough to not just blow me off and never let me hear from him again! Sad that this probably isn't going anywhere, but glad to know there are at least a FEW decent men out there who care about a person's feelings and take the time to explain their reasons. I will very much miss our nightly conversations, something I was getting used to. Hopefully, (as he has been so far) he will be true to his word and still call me from time to time.
One VERY AWESOME thing did happen today. Preston bowled a 190!!! Yes, you read correctly.....the boy bowled a 190!! My dad and I were out there to witness the whole thing and I was so excited about it that I called my mom and one of my bowling teammates right after it happened!! What a cool thing to have happen to him. Course he didn't get to excited. I think the child could win a million dollars and not show excitment!! :)

It's getting to cold

2006-11-02T11:40:00.000-08:00

Halloween is over, but Preston has SO much candy!! That kiddo came home with 2 bag fulls of candy!! He commented that night that he almost got a 2 liter of pop at someone's home while trick or treating. Good thing he didn't. At least he had a good time since this will probably be his last since he's going to be in high school next year. Good grief! Can't believe that!!
It's getting cold now at nights and I hate that! Hopefully, it won't get WAY cold for a while yet cause that's going to make a long season. It for sure makes it hard to get up and motivated in the morning!
In other news, not much has been happening. Been working a lot still. Still looking for other employment too, but it's hard. At least at work I'm doing more with the register than I am standing and stocking. Oh! I guess I am trying to learn to cross stitch! I went and got a kit and am having my friend (and doctor's mom) teach me how to cross stitch. She is very experienced at that as well as quilting and other things. She has really increased my interested the more we talk and the more she shows me what she has done. My first attempt last night at cross stitching was VERY hard!! It wasn't so much hard on my hands like my mom had thought, but my eyes. The area I needed to be in was so tiny to see. I think my friend is going to find some bigger material for me to learn on. Hopefully, once I get to learning, I can go to the "big girl stuff"! We shall see. It's going to be interesting to say the least, but I'm up to the challenge. I need a new hobby to learn, so why not that?

Happy Halloween

2006-10-29T17:11:00.000-08:00

The last week has been pretty boring as far as "exciting" things happening! Been working a lot and feeling like crap when I get home! Making me so tired having to work so much and be on my feet, but it will be nice to have the money! Trying to keep up with people has been hard too. I don't think I've talked with much of any one in the last couple weeks. Thank goodness for email! Preston and my mom made a stuffed Halloween person. They stuffed some of my dad's old clothes with newspaper. For the head, they used Emily's and my old plastic pumpkin we used for candy. Topping off this person, they used an old hat. The hat and head has had trouble staying on when the wind comes up, but it really does look very cute! My dog Blazer had to check him out this afternoon. I thought he was going to growl, but ended up just sniffing it out! I guess another thing that happened recently is that I am officially back with my maidan name again!! Got the official papers the other day, so now I just need to make sure everyone knows about it that need to. Preston and my mom are making Halloween cookies tonight. He wasn't willing to make them with me cause he was afraid I would burn them....geez....can I not get a brake?? At least I get to eat one!

Finally A Decent Man

2006-10-24T19:49:00.000-07:00

Well the guy I went out with over the weekend is so far continuing to be a man of his word. We have continued to have some nice conversations the last couple days which gives me some hope. The more I think about what this man did with being honest with me and letting this be a mutual agreement....the more he has my heart! Not necessarily in a "I'm hot for him" way, but in a way that I think because of him being so decent we could be friends for a very long time!! Of course, I would probably like for it to be more, and maybe at some point it will be. For right now though, I'm just happy to have the companionship even if it has to be over the phone!! (Keeps fingers crossed that this continues!)
Preston got through the first nine weeks without much "excitement"!...THANK GOD!! His grades were good except for English which I am hoping gets brought up soon. His going to be playing basketball, so hopefully grades will still be important to him this nine weeks so he can play! I didn't get to go to parent-teacher conferences. They had then last night and tonight. I knew I couldn't go last night cause of babysitting at church. I didn't know they were having conferences tonight, so it was to late when I realized they were having them. Would have been really nice to go just too touch base with the teachers, but looks like now emails will have to be sent.
I had the day off today so that is always a nice thing. Unfortunately, I have to work this weekend. When do I not have to work the weekends?? I have put in a few more applications and would like to find something else soon! Department store working is just not for me!! I also spent the day doing a little house work. By little...I mean LITTLE!! Ran the sweeper, did a couple dishes, that pretty much covers it! Did take Blazer to get groomed this afternoon. He of course looks awesome and KNOWS it!

2006-10-22T18:41:00.000-07:00

Thankfully the puppy chow turned out well. I didn't know if it was going to turn out at all with all the "drama" that took place the night we made it! Either Preston thinks I really don't have a clue in the kitchen or mom has nerves of steel in her old age. It was a lot tougher cooking with him then I had ever remembered! Like I said though it did turn out and we both lived to tell the tale!...lol Bad thing was that there was none or very little left by the time we got done, so a second batch for home WILL have to be made!!
I also thankfully made through the week from hell at work! By the time I left Sat, I was incrediably sick of people! Fortunately, I had a long drive a head of me as I had a date this weekend. He was a really nice guy and I had a lot of fun!! VERY sweet and caring! We seem to have a lot in common and I think we both like each other, but we are also at very different places in our lives. The good thing is we have decided to continue talking at this point and hopefully go out again. I'm COOL with that!! Way cooler than someone just "kicking" me too the curb and saying "you're a nice girl but...blah, blah, blah..."! Also way cooler then someone just ignoring me after we have gone out! Finally, someone who is decent!!
Preston had gone to church camp this weekend so that was the reason the date was able to happen. I do wish I had been able to go to camp with him, but of course I was finishing up my working weekend!! He didn't think I would have enjoyed it anyway...lol! I'm sure he had more fun then he is letting on. That is ususally the way it works with him!

General Blah Blah Blah

2006-10-19T14:33:00.000-07:00

Tomorrow is finally Fri!! Gotta love that! Well, not really....was planning to go to church family camp with Preston this weekend, but have to work most of it. Fortunately, I think he's still going to get to go. He has a buddy who is going to go, so that will be a good thing. Had REALLY looked forward to going this year, but it just didn't work out! Very disappointing to me, but hey! what else am I going to do? Throw a fit?? Don't really know what else is going to be going on this weekend. Hopefully, I am going to get some sleep cause I am SO TIRED!! I really should go to bed earlier, I know, but it just doesn't seem to happen that way. I seem to have to many other "important" things going on besides sleep! Tonight Preston and I are going to try our luck at making "Puppy Chow"...the kind that is for humans. Hopefully nothing will be burned....lol! He did inform me that we had a make a "giant" bowl, so that there would be enough for his class and for him at home! Fortunately, you don't really cook it, so we should be alright in the making of it! Will post to let my 3 blog readers...lol, know how it turns out! Tomorrow is the end of the 1st nine weeks. Preston has done VERY well so far this year bought him a little "gift" to encourage him! VERY proud of how he has been doing this year!!

New Funny Said By My Son

2006-10-18T14:01:00.000-07:00

Just to give some back ground, a teacher over-heard Preston and another student talking in the hall-way during school one day. Wasn't exactly sure what the topic was about, but it must have revolved around food and cooking:
Preston's comment to the student: "Yeah, my mom burns stuff sometimes too, but my grandma's a really good cook"!
Mom told me about it the other night. The kid's going to think "burns stuff"...lol! Haven't said anything to him about the comment, but I think about it every time I do ACTUALLY cook!! Laughed my butt off when mom told me, and giggle still when I think about it!
Just thought I would share the new funny in the last month!

2006-10-10T18:22:00.000-07:00

Well, it's official! As of Oct 6, I am a divorced, single chick again!! It was a kind of tough day for me. I wasn't sure if I should laugh or cry most of the day! Didn't help that I wasn't feeling well also. At any rate, I'm pretty glad to have it all over with and not have anything to do with R. I can now proceed with adopting Preston and that is a very good thing!! Shouldn't be much longer and he will be mine!! Interesting how one "bad" thing can ultimately lead to a good thing! At least our lives will continue to settle down and hopefully I won't be as stressed out having it all on my mind.

The End of The Beginning....I Hope

2006-10-02T20:15:00.000-07:00

Well, in less than 4 days I will officially be divorced! I don't really know how I feel about that to be honest! On the one hand, I'm happy to FINALLY have it behind me. On the other hand, I will no longer have ANY connection to R. I guess since I did love him so much, I'm sad about that. I am happy to finally have it over though. No more worries about how he or his family can cause me pain and make my life hell. It's a new beginning I guess to take my time and search for the "new" Mr. Right....if he even exsists! Actually, one thing I am loving and I knew I would is being a mom without someone to disagree with my every choice. I have enough of that with my child!...lol!! Just once again sad that R choose the "road" he did causing me to end something with someone I loved. No, I didn't want to be treated the way I was being treated. Nor, did I want Preston getting hurt from R's stupidity, but even though we will no longer be conected on paper, he will always have a piece of my heart! As much as I hate him right now (and believe me I do!!) R will always have a piece of my heart. Maybe in time, it will heal more...I can only hope.

Conversations with my son

2006-09-26T20:31:00.000-07:00

Funny conversation #1
Going out the door the other morning, Preston looked at the indoor thermometer.
Him: "I think this thing is wrong"
Me: (not noticing what it said at first) "Why do you think it's wrong"
Him: "Come on now, it's not 50 degrees. It's like 60-70 out there"
Me: "Why do you say that?"
Him: "Come on, seriously! If it was like 50 degrees it would be snowing"
Me: (with a huge grin on my face as he turned around) "Ah, I see"

Funny conversation #2
On the way to school this morning, a radio station was giving away (i'm guessing) a T-VO system worth $500.
Him: "Come on now, a T-VO, seriously, a T-VO for $500?"
Me: " I guess so, why?"
Him: "Come a T-VO is not $500!"
Me: "How much do you think it is?"
Him: "Um...more like $100. or $200."
Me: "Really?"
Him: "Yeah, it's not no $500. dollars. You can it through Cox for $10 more!"
Me: "I see" (trying hard not to laugh and thinking yeah...a month!)
Hope these brought a smile to your face as they did mine!!

Ah, life

2006-09-24T19:29:00.000-07:00

My job is getting a bit better. I really like the manager of the store. She is soo nice! There is one person who really irritates me, but hey there's one in every crowd! Just makes me mad cause she seems to "chew" my butt once a day when we work together. Oh well....I can handle it. The job is getting better and I'm starting to actually make some "friends". I just passed a bittersweet (is that the right word?) anniversery: the day R and I got married. THANK GOD I HAD A COUNSELING APPOINTMENT THAT DAY!!! I had felt sick to my stomach for a couple days prior, but that day really blew!! Before goiong to work, I wanted to chew out anyone who crossed my path. Actually, once I got in to my day, it didn't go to bad. I had a lot of things going to keep me busy. And talking to my therapist did help. I knew I was going to have to face it, I'm just glad I had a little "help" from my friends. Preston is doing awesome in school!! He just got his mid-terms this past week. He's like a "completely" different kid this year as far as school. Of course, I think football has really helped him to get going and be concerned about his grades. I wanted to take him to the Medicine Lodge Peace Treaty this weekend, but of course I had to work so that didn't happen. I'm hoping that this weekend we can do that since I'm working tomorrow. I normally get every third day off.....kinda nice! Just hope that maybe I can go to Preston's game, it going to be an out of towner, so I don't know. Would sure hate to miss one!

Crap I'm tired

2006-09-17T20:14:00.000-07:00

My job is going, let's just say that!! It's much better as far as people compared to the other job. However, physically, it is kicking my butt!! I have neve been so tired in my life. Yeasterday by the time I got home, I could hardly move. Of course, it probably doesn't help that I pretty much face planted in my parents backyard the night before. Stupid feet....can't do a thing with 'em! Thankfully, again nothing is broken, just irks me when I fall!! Thank goodness Maggie was there to "make sure" I was alright!! Maggie is my dad's German Shepard! I do need to continue looking for a job. I don't know that I'm going to be able to handle this one much longer. I really like most of the people I am working with, it's just to physical for me. To top it off, I'm not even loosing any weight so far...lol! The rest of like has been pretty boring. Preston's team lost their last two football games. It was not a pretty time last week!! Hopefully this week will be better.

2006-09-05T21:07:00.000-07:00

I started my other new job today. This one went MUCH better! The people I worked with were SO nice and very helpful!! I am kind of tired, but not as bad as over the weekend. I do have a delima: on Sat I'm supposed to work at job 1 until 2pm and then go to job 2 at 3pm. I'm supposed to be at job 2 util 11pm. That would be a LONG time!! I'm not sure what I'm going to do, but I'm going to have to decide. Chances are I'm not going to be able and work like I had hoped at both jobs. That is going to really kick my butt!! I'm probably looking at dropping job 2, however, I going to think about it tonight and tomorrow all day....write down the pros and cons. One thing about either job, I probablyl will be losing some weight (or wishful thinking) with all this walking and moving!! Gotta be excited aboout that!!
In other news, my mom got her "boot" off! I think she's pretty excited about it. She can also start bending her knee 20%, which is going to be good. She still has to wear the knee brace, but at least she can begin bending it.
We also got word tonight that my aunt is not going to have surgery for another couple weeks. I guess her potasium is down and they don't want it to be down before they do surgery. At this point they do not know why it is down, but hopefully in the next day or so they will. It really makes me nervous, all of this, but I have to trust that God has a plan for all of it. Hard to do when it's someone you care about!! I also wish my aunt wasn't soo far away!! She lives in Arizona! At least we are all in pretty good contact with each other.
Preston's next game is coming up. I'm getting excited about that. Hopefully, this week they will win!

My poor body

2006-09-04T13:38:00.000-07:00

This weekend has been strangely boring. Normally I'm pretty much hooked on the Telethon....this year I haven't spent any time watching it. Not that it's not important to me-it will be always. I think for one though I am just so tired from working that I don't care too concentrate on anything. For another thing, I somehow feel removed from it (is that the right word??) . At any rate, yes, my body is completely shot!! Spent 7-3 working yeasterday than went to a friend's BBQ. Work was good, but I just can't stand as much as I did yeasterday. I think every bone in my body aches today. I even had to take Preston to practice this morning and that about killed me. Since I'm SO tired, that is telling me that I probably am not going to be able to handle two jobs. I'm going to give it another week, but I'm thinking that although the money would be awesome, there's no sense in killing myself to get it!! I start my other job in the morning, good think I called too. I wouldn't have known cause the lady hadn't called to tell me when I start/what time.
As for my friend's BBQ, it was a good time. Unfortunately, I just wasn't good company and Preston was being kind of a brat. Needless to say, we didn't stay to long. I wish I hadn't been SO freakin' tired as I would have like to stay longer. My friend's son and his wife were here this weekend and would have been nice to chat with them longer. Oh well!!
Obviously today, I have been the biggest couch potato. Hey one day is alright! My back is killing me and my left wrist has been hurting. Hopefully by tomorrow the soreness will be bettter. Being a couch potato has given me the chance too catch up on some reading. I've been kind of slackin' lately, and need to start reading some of my books and magazines before they start piling up again.

1 Win 1 Loss

2006-09-01T12:54:00.000-07:00

Well I didn't get around to doing another post last night. Preston and I were WAY to tired when we got home!! The poor kid ended up playing two football games. He started both "A" and "B" teams. Both teams did an awesome job, but the "A" team lost..."B" team won!! Fortunately my nervous went away once the game started. I thought I was going to have to take one of my anxiety pills because I was so nervous. That would not have been good cause they make me tired and I didn't want to miss the game! When Preston got done last night I took him to Pizza Hut to eat. The poor kid was SO tired, he couldn't even hardly sit up. Needless to say, we ended up just getting our stuff to go. While we waited several of our friends came over and talked to Preston about the game which made him feel good.
I got another job this afternoon. I don't know how working two jobs is going to go, but with both of them I will be making about as much as I was at the pervious place. I think I can handle it as both are part-time. Hopefully, they will both work out. Of course Preston is nervous that since I am working again I won't be able to go to his games. I've assured him that WILL NOT happen!! I WILL be there no matter what!! I think the poor guy just gets nervous cause he's been let down a lot. This weekend I think he and I are getting together with some friends. He recently met a kid his age who he enjoyed spending time with and they are going to be in town again. Hopefully we will have time to get togther with them.

Can't tell I'm a proud mom, can you??

2006-08-31T12:42:00.000-07:00

2:40pm 8/31/06
I'm going to have to do this in stages, so I hope I can do it right! It's about one hour til Preston's first football game. I'm SO nervous!! I don't think I've been this nervous since his first day of school last year. Must be a "mom thing"! I think he's pretty nervous too, but of course isn't going to say anything. I just hope they win their first game. Last year was so discouraging to him. My parents are coming and hopefully some friends. I just realized I need to get mom's camera, so I need to go do that quickly!
My new job is going good. The people seem nice. There's way more to do than I thought and I'm not the speediest girl in town. Like my mom said "all you can do is your best"! It is kind of fun though and I'm anxious to start getting to be by myself. I don't know when that will be yet, but soon I'm sure!

One Day Til The Big Day

2006-08-30T09:12:00.000-07:00

The last few days have been interesting. I started my job at the hotel. I think it's going to be a pretty good job. At least the people are nice. Preston has been spending "grandparent time" with my parents and he and my mom are planning to do a couple cooking adventures. Preston loves to cook which is a good thing.
I ran into my former co-workers the other day. Two of them said hello...one of them I wanted to say too kiss my butt!! It wasn't really an akward thing, I'm not going to waste any energy on that. Just makes me pretty dang mad. I do think that it was a blessing in disguise as I can now do "mom things" which mean more to me than any job! A friend was with me yeasterday when the whole encounter happened. Tomorrow is the big day for Preston. He's pretty excited and doesn't totally believe I'm going to be there. I keep telling him I wouldn't miss it for the world, and I won't! I'm just as excited if not more than he is.

I'm Back

2006-08-27T17:51:00.000-07:00

Thursday I was having a tough day, I was so frustrated with not being able to find a job. However, I finally got a call for a job! I am more than happy to say that I am now among the employed!! I will be starting tomorrow with training. The job is only part-time, but I will least get my foot in the door somewhere....FINALLY! I think it will be a good thing, at least I hope so. Preston is not thrilled with it, but I'm not going too be missing any of his things, so that is a really good thing. I may find myself not bowling again this year because of working, but I guess I have to give up some things. I'm just happy to have finally found something. Hopefully it will work in to full-time.
This weekend I went out on a date. Don't get to excited, it's only a one time thing. The guy I went out with was really nice and I had a lot of fun. However, he doesn't want to go out again because he just "doesn't feel attracted"....wish I had a quater for every time I've heard that. I would be frickin' rich!! Oh well, I've decided I'm much to good for most of the male population! Thanks to my friends for helping me get that attitude!! :)

My mind just went blank

2006-08-23T11:49:00.000-07:00

I had a lot of things I was going to blog aboout this afternoon, but I seem to have forgotten most everything. Aren't I to "young" to have memory problems?? I would hope so!!
Things have gotten very busy again. Preston has started school and then goes to football practice after school. He seems to be enjoying both, and by the teacher's first couple day's reports....he is doing well! I went to orientation last night even though he didn't think it was necessary! He says that "since the teachers all taught me I should know what's going on"! He cracks me up because since I had some of his teachers, he automatically thinks they are old!! I am praying that things continue and go well for him at both school and in football.
I am still looking for a job! :( This is really starting to upset me. I have never gone this long without working. I just need something to do. I may have to get creative in the next week or so if something doesn't come up. I feel like I have applied "everywhere" in town. I don't want to move cause my family is all here and I don't think it would right with Preston finally feeling settled. Kind limits my options though! Something will come up, I know. I'm just getting impatient waiting and hoping the phone will ring every day.

Job Hunting and Football Practice

2006-08-17T18:34:00.000-07:00

I continue looking for a job. I think I have a couple strong leads this week. I have sent out a lot of resumes this week, and am hoping I get a couple offers by next week. I'm trying not to get my hopes up on a couple of them, but they are jobs I think I would really like. Keep your fingers crossed that something pans out. I REALLY need to find something! I am getting so bored and Preston is going to be starting school this week. He starts tomorrow, so we spent today getting the rest of his school supplies and new school clothes. He is NOT a shopper so we went through the store as fast as possible!
This week Preston started football practice and is now in the "big time"! He gets to play for the school this year, which he is excited for. He said tonight that he is going to play tackle again, "cause he's one of the biggest kids"! (His words, not mine) The other night he indicated he needed a "massage therapist" cause he was sore! I'm just praying that this year will be much better for him than last year. He really did have a pretty good year last year, with everything going on. I just hope he can improve....and not get sent to the principal's this year! Football is going to be good for him, and he's planning to play sports all year, so that will make a big difference!

Business

2006-08-14T19:07:00.000-07:00

Right now there are a million things going on! My aunt and cousin left last Wed and I really miss them!! My aunt and I had a talk while she was here, which really kind of helped me! My other aunt who found she has the aynerysum, is going to be having surgery the first week in Sept. My mom is also now "walking" around the house. The doctor told her she can put as much pressure on as tolereated. The first couple days were shaky for her, but she's getting pretty "speedy" with her walking now.
Preston and I had a great time Sat at a friend of mine's house. We spent the day fishing, eating lunch, watching the kids (my friend's neice and nephew, and Preston) swim, and cooking out. We ended the day by playing a rowdy game of "Animal"! The game was a lot of fun, but sure taxed the old brain! We didn't get home until late, so needless to say we again didn't make it to church. We have not been good at going this summer.
Preston starts school at the end of this week. He started football practice this afternoon. I haven't gone back in his room, but I would almost bet he's asleep by now. He hasn't come out in over an hour, so that generally means he's gone to sleep. I'm just really looking forward to this year for him. I think he's going to have a much better one than he had last year. Now that things have settled down for the most part for both of us, I can concentrate on helping him more with school and just being a good mom.
I also am going to be looking more aggressively for a job once school gets going. I had been looking some this summer, but with Preston home all day every day, it was just to hard, and I think having the time off has been good for me. It may have even insipered me to go back too school in a totally different direction, but if I do it won't be until the spring semester. I really do need to get back to work and making some money.
Of course since I last blogged, some days have been good, and others not so hot! I think it's going to be that way for a long time. I would really love to tell a certain someone off, but they (1) would not "get it" anymore than they did five months ago, and (2), I really would like to do it in person. I definately am in the "mad stage" which is WAY better than the "I wish my life would end stage"! There are just some things I need that I may never get! I don't know that, that is all bad, just frustrating!! I just pray someday he has to go through the same hell I've had to go through! I hope he gets cheated on the same way he cheated on me, and wonders "why"! I hope it hurts like hell too! Maybe someday he can have that knife burning pain in his stomach...As I said, I'm in the mad stage!

Our family gets more news

2006-08-08T21:20:00.000-07:00

Well, our family got some good news and bad news today. The good news is that my mom's legs are healing and she can begin to put weight on the leg where the bone was broken in the foot. She still has to be careful and she still has to wear the "boot", but she can use crutches and start taking some steps. She still cannot bend her knee, but it is also healing. We have been so lucky that she was not hurt worse, and that she will not need surgery. My aunt and cousin have been here from Joplin this week cooking food that my parents will just have to warm up when they want it. It has been so nice having them here!!
Our bad news came tonight from my mom's sister. She has been having some health problems and has been going to the doctor since our return from the family reuion. Unfortunately, today she found out that she has an aynerysum behind her eye. The doctor is going to do surgery on Thurs, and the prognosis is good. My mom took it really hard this evening, and my cousin and aunt who have been here were trying to deal with it. For me, I don't think it has totally sunk in. There have just been some overwhelming things going on in my family for the past couple months, that things tend to hit me at strange times. Not always a good thing! I know my mom would like to be there for my aunt's surgery, but with her current situation, she can't. My aunt does have her husband and daughter nearby, so that will be a big help. I just pray that my aunt will get through the surgery and recover quickly. The bad thing is she lives in Arizona, so we can't go see her like we would if she were in Kansas. I have to think that this is in God's hands and that he has a plan for all this. I just think enough is enough!!

She is learning new things

2006-08-06T13:42:00.000-07:00

I decided to try my hand at doing a craft! What you ask? Painting a dog bone. I was out at Walmart the other night and saw they had wooden dog bones. I'm planning to paint one for my dad and put a picture of all the dogs "in the family" on it. That way he can have a picture of the "grand-dogs" as well as his "baby"! It may come out king of stupid, but it's the thought that counts. The bad thing is, when I got the bone I was just going to do one for myself, and got "KU" colors. To do one for my dad I have to get "K-State" purple...yuck!! Hopefully this will all be done by his birthday....we shall see!
As of Saturday it had been a week since my mom had her accident. The first couple days were pretty hard for her and my dad. She has had to give up almost all her freedom, something she has never experienced. She tried going to work one day this week, and that was a "wild" time. Her office is not ADA equiped, and she kept having to transfer from one chair to another. Not an easy task when she's not to put weight on either foot. She goes back to the doctor this week to see how things are healing. She's also hoping to go to work a little again this week. I did give her some advice since I have been there, done that, not to take it to fast. I realize her situation, but she has to get her legs healed correctly. To say the least this first week has been interesting.
My sister came this weekend and helped her out, which I think kind of took some pressure off my dad. My aunt and cousin are coming tonight for at least a couple days. That will be a lot of help! Things are starting to get kind of busy for me with Preston starting football practice and getting ready to start school. He's looking forward to the football, but not to school starting. I'm hoping that he will have a better year this year and be inspired to do better grade wise!

Some Good News

2006-08-01T18:45:00.000-07:00

My mom went to the doctor the other day. She got pretty good news, at least what we were hoping for at this point. She has to wear a "boot" (like Preston did) on her one foot. On her leg she is in a knee brace and they will not have to do surgery. That was the biggest answer to prayers. She still cannot put any weight on either foot, but it would be "better" to do it on the one with the boot if she has to. My dad is still having to do everything, and is looking better for the most part. Several friends have called her and come over, so that helps. Also my aunt and cousin are coming next week, so that will be helpful to my dad! I'm just so glad she didn't have to have surgery!

My poor Mom

2006-07-29T16:14:00.000-07:00

I feel better from the other night's blog. I still have the desire to have a partner, but I think a lot of my ranting was that I again was feeling cheated on what could've been an awesome marriage! I seem to have woke up the next morning feeling better. This week I have been fighting an ear infection. I actaully started getting it last Fri, but wasn't able to get to the doctor till Tues. Since then I had been on anti-biotic ear drops, and pain killer drops. I had the doctor look at it Fri again when I came in for allergy shots, he said it was healing, but put me also on an oral anti-biotic. Today, I am starting to feel better. I had been running a feaver with the infection so I was really feeling crappy! Not sure how I got the infection, but hopefully, it won't come back anytime soon.
In other crazy news, my mom fell in the back yard today. I have no idea how other than she thinks her ankle just gave way. She broke one bone in her foot on the right foot, and broke or cracked her knee on the left leg. She's going to have to use a wheelchair for awhile, and is pretty worried about getting to work. I'm hoping I can help her some, but it would only be answering phones and taking messages. My poor mommy!!! I feel so bad for her. Hopefully, she will recover quickly. She seems pretty upbeat so far.

Why do I feel like I do

2006-07-24T14:13:00.000-07:00

I'm still having a really crappy time of things. I made an appointment to talk with someone about my crappy feelings, but it's going to be a while before I can get in. I just don't understand why God would put such a desire in my heart to have a partener, get married, and then everything ends up like it has. I know part of it is "free-will" and the choices I made, but if I wasn't supposed to get married in the first place, or care about member of the oppoisite sex, why do I have the frickin' desire?? I think I've had at least a crying day for the last three weeks. I'm told it sounds like I'm in the "mad" stage! Yeah!! I know the the stages of grieving and I know I am, it just SUCKS!!I just want to know WHY the desire! Things could be worse I suppose. I just have felt crappy for the last several weeks and I want it go away!! Maybe it's the heat...I can always blame it on that!!

2006-07-12T13:04:00.000-07:00

Preston, my partents, and I returned from our Kansas City "vacation". It was nice to be home after such long drive home. I do think Preston had a good time, during the weekend. The night when we got home, we were home in time for me to go to my Divorce class. It was so nice to be able and kind of vent there. It was also nice to see that I was not the only one having a tough week, although, I wouldn't wish these feelings on anyone. Well....one person, but I don't think that's going to happen!
Preston and I have spent the last two days just in our "hanging out" routine. We saw a friend of ours the last couple nights, so that was fun. He seemed to enjoy visiting with the person. Today I met my friend, Donna for lunch. It was nice to just sit and talk with her. After lunch we went to the hardware store and got paint samples for my house. I think we are going to paint the living room soon and I want to go with something besides white. Eventually, I would like to do Preston's room, but will let him pick out the color he wants in there. So far, this week has started out much better, we shall see how it ends up......hopefully on a positive note!

Baseball Rocks

2006-07-08T20:08:00.000-07:00

The baseball game was awesome!! We got to sit in the second row right by the foul pole on the left field side. For those who don't like baseball, that's the side third base is on. Since I don't really follow the Royals, and knew very few of the players on the other team, it took awhile to get into the "swing" of things! Not long though, if you have never been to a Royals game I encourage you to go. There is so much to keep your attention even if you don't pay attention to the game. I have to say that the game was a lot of fun, and reminded me of when I was younger and would go almost every summer. We were so close to the field too. The closest I have ever been at a major league game. That was the most awesome part for me. Unfortunately, I don't think Preston got into it much. I think he had some fun, but the kid just does not share my love for baseball. He did seem to be in awe of Arrowhead Stadium which is right "next door" and is where the Chiefs play football. I'm am really hoping to get him to a game some day, but the tickets are not going to be cheap. As for the conclusion of the game, the Royals lost which was disappointing. All in all though, it was a great time, and a cool new experience for Preston. Maybe someday some of my love for the game will rub off on him! I can always hope anyway!!

Night from H***

2006-07-08T13:52:00.000-07:00

Today has been somewhat better. I cried myself to sleep last night somewhere around midnight. I knew it wasn't going to be easy being up here in the KC area. Especially being at my sister's home since the last time I was here was when I finally had the proof that I was being cheated on. The whole memory just got to me, and I needed to cry it out. Don't know how else to get through it.
Got up this morning and had breakfast with Preston. We spent time looking at my sister and brother-in-law's new house. It is their first one they are buying. It's a neat house, but it's so hard being happy for someone when you feel like your life is sucking at the moment. For lunch we went to Olive Garden.....I was in heaven!! When we got home my frickin shunt was hurting, so I layed down and went to "sleep" for a while. Not really, but I am feeling better. The Royals game is this afternoon. I've been pretty excited about that. Since most of you know I love baseball, I'm happy about being able to go to an MLB game!! Someday, I swear I'm going to make it to an Atlanta Braves game in Atlanta!! Preston has never been to an MLB game, so it will be awesome having him get the experience to go. I'm hoping someday also that I can take him to a KC Chiefs game. I'm told those tickets are twice as expensive as an MLB game.

It's Been One of Those Weeks

2006-07-07T20:05:00.000-07:00

The last week or so has really sucked!! Once I think everything is going well, or that I'm doing better, than something goes to crap and I have trouble dealing! So far I still don't have a job. I get pretty stressed out about it at times, but for the most part I'm glad I'm getting the summer to spend time with my son. I just hope I can find something soon as I am getting so bored of not having somewhere to go. I've had a few offers, but nothing that is going to work for me so far with Preston. As far as other things, I get so frustrated with my feelings of this impending divorce. I get to experience all the S****y emotions, while the other half of this ex-relationship is just not having to deal with anything! I swear if I ever trust anyone again after this, it's going to be a MIRACLE!! My final point of irriatation at the moment, is that fact that EVERYONE right now is making me feel like I can't do anything or think for myself. Makes me just want to stay home and away from everyone so that I don't have to deal with feeling like I can't please anyone right now. Thank god for my son!! I don't think I can say that enough! Thank goodness he continually teaches me how to be able to deal with the upsets of life and in some ways knows more about what I'm going through than I do!

Hot Summer Days

2006-06-20T16:28:00.000-07:00

Not having a working computer at the moment really bites!! I've been trying to not be in the sun to much since I'm not supposed to be anyway. I had wanted to put my pool up this summer, but looks like that's not going to happen now. My back is better, which is good, cause Preston broke two bones in his foot a couple weeks ago! He did it while at the pool. Jumped in and I guess hit the side of the cement wall. He's doing pretty well overall. He's in a "boot" so at least he can take it off to shower and sleep. He's NOT happy about not being able to go swimming or do all the other things 13 yr old boys do! In other news, I'm still looking for a job. Been on a few (I thought) promising interviews, only to find I didn't get the jobs. I think I'm finally taking my mom's advice and just enjoying my time with Preston this summer. I've been trying to think of things to do with him, but it's hard with little money. I'm so blessed he's such a good kid though and just "goes with the flow". I'm going to try and take he and a couple friends to Wichita when he can not be in his boot. He had wanted to go over for his birthday, but we didn't get the chance to. Other than that, I guess I can't complain to much. Nothing much has been going on, but I'm not being stressed like I was. Still on the blood pressure meds the doctor put me on. Don't know how long that journey is going to be. Preston and I did go see the movie "Cars" the other night. It was really pretty cute!

Mending

2006-06-07T19:55:00.000-07:00

The family is all gone by now. My aunt and cousins from Arizona left Monday to go back home. It was SO nice having them around!! I really enjoy when they come, but it's always hard when they leave because I only see them about once a year. Fortunately, now I have my aunt's email address, so I can keep in touch with her. I also have my cousin's and send her stuff frequently. My back is finally doing better!! I've been taking the muscle relaxers the Dr. gave me, and it has helped BIG time!! It took a good couple days for them to kick in, but when they finally did I noticed a dramatic difference. I'm still having some pain at times, but nothing like I was during the reunion. My sleep time has increased because of the drowsiness effect, but that's fine. It's not like I have any where to go anyway!! I had a job interview today and unfortunately did not get the job. I was REALLY bummed and ended up having a crying afternoon. In part, I know because I found some old letters and cards Rich had given me. Need I say more?? Anyway, I'm still waiting to hear on another job I interviewed for. I don't think I got it, since it's been a week, and I haven't heard anything. I guess I don't know anything for sure though. I know I do have to keep looking. I'm wanting to get my pool up this weekend hopefully, so maybe I can do that and get some swimming done before it gets to the end of the summer. That would be nice anyway. We finally got our computer fixed. It really is nice to have a brother-in-law in the family who knows a "thing or two" about computers!

Fun Times

2006-06-01T16:45:00.000-07:00

Yeasterday was a completely bad day!! I've been having nightmares for the last several nights and am not sure why. I'm going to the doctor in the morning, so I will probably ask them. It may just be part of the "healing" process, but crap! this is nuts!! Actually, things have been going pretty well. Still looking for a job. I continue working VERY part-time at the gas station, and enjoy that. I also had a job interview today, so I hope that pans out. Keep your fingers crossed. Went to a family reunion over the weekend. Had a great time!! It was nice to get out of Pratt a couple days and just kick back and relax. Actually, I really did anything, but relax. The day after we got there, I could barely move. My back had stiffened up so bad all I could do for most of the time was sleep and sometimes sit. Another reason why I'm going to the doctor in the morning. I can finally walk like I normally do, but I'm still having some pain. It was really nice to see family though. This part of my family I don't see but maybe once a year, so being able to be in a big group for a few days was fun. Preston got to meet several cousins and seemed to have a good time. I think he was a little overwhelmed, but who wouldn't be with the size of family I have. While we were gone Preston turn into a teenager. God help me!!....LOL! He seemed to have a good birthday and got to have a party while down there. As far as my bad day yeasterday, I think it was just a combination of several things happening within a span of a couple days that weren't so pleasent. I also have times where I do miss Rich even though in the end he treated me like S!! I don't know that it's him so much, as it is the companionship that I had at times with him. That I feel so frickin' hurt by him still!! I try not to think about it, but some days the feelings just creep up on me.

Scream II

2006-05-10T14:08:00.000-07:00

I could start my own "movie" version of scream here in the last week. I had a really bad sleeping night the other night. Partly due to my own fault. I forgot to refill my Trazadone the helps me sleep. So, unfortunately, the next day, I paid the dear price of feeling like CRAP! Thankfully, last night resulted in a good nights rest and I did better today! I came home this morning and normally my dog Blazer is waiting at the front door for me. Well, when I came in the door I heard a noise in my room, so of course I go in there. What do I see upon entering? My dog has somehow gotten in my laundry basket, and the top has shut on him. I'm sure I had the top shut in the first place, so he IS more talented then I thought!! I finally got him out after about dying of laughter first! Thought I was going to have to call the cute ambulance driver I was laughing so hard! As far as the email, I decided not to respond, (1) because I think it will violate part of the court papers, and (2) because it's not worth my time! I actually laughed at it the second time of reading through it, although I was also calmed down a lot by that time. Once again, I will be so glad when all of this is behind me. I hope it won't be much longer, but who knows. I've talked to a lot of people who have said they have waited a year. Yuck!! In other news, Preston got in trouble at school again. On one hand, he has done VERY well in the last several months with not getting in trouble. However, the name he called a classmate got him 4 days of ISS! So, to make his day even better, he is grounded for the rest of the week. He was pretty mad at me last night, but hey! I'm not the one doing the name calling nor did I get in trouble. Today seemed to be a better day for him, although he did comment when I picked him up at school that his day was "boring". Maybe after this, he will learn not to call people names. It's so hard at that age, but he has to learn!! His paper route is going well so far. He seems to be kind of enjoying it, although I think it's more than what he thought it was going to be. He's doing a very good job so far though! I went to apply for a couple jobs today. That was a ton o fun! Actually, either job would be pretty interesting I think. I just hope I can find something by the time summer is over. I want to stay where I'm at for the summer, so I can be able to spend time with Preston. Between my dog and my son, I can't say I'm to bored at the moment!

Can I scream?

2006-05-06T16:17:00.000-07:00

So, I went to the doctor for a follow up appoint several weeks ago and my blood pressure was 160 over something. The last couple weeks had been much better, since they now have to check it weekly! This week it was 160 over 90. This is not good!! Today my dad checked it and it was a little better 140 over 72. Still high, but not bad. I think most of it is stress related, although I don't know "why" I would be stressed. Might it have anything to do with all that is negatively going on in my life? Of course, than my mother doesn't help much and reminds me that high blood pressure runs in our family. Gee, thanks!! Oh well, I'm refuse to kick the bucket. Got to many people to piss off at this point. Case in point, got a nast email from a "former" in-law. Not sure what to do about the email, but pretty hacked about it's contents! Just one more way responsiblity is trying to escaped!! Also, let me state for the record "SOMEONE" WAS NOT, I REPEAT, NOT KICKED OUT OF THE HOUSE!! THIS PERSON HAD SEVERAL OPTIONS AND DID NOT TAKE ANY OF THEM!!!!! Good grief, I wish I had $10 for every time I've heard that in the last month. I would be out of debt!! Stay tuned to see if I respond or not! :) I will be so glad when this is behind me. Some people just do not understand how hurtful this has all been (the just mentioned person), yet they have to twist the knife just a little more. The most irriatating thing is that, it is not even any of their concern. Oh, the joys of life. I'm learning I have bigger shoulders than I thought! Good thing!! Good thing I also have a support system who is behind me 100%!! In other news, my life has been interesting. Good, but interesting!! Now, if I could just keep the blood pressure down life would be back pretty close to "normal"...whatever that is!!

Since I have time on my hands

2006-05-04T11:35:00.000-07:00

What an interesting life I know lead. I really kind of like it in some ways, but on the other hand I am so used to working all day every day! It's been a huge change. I did talk with a friend of mine about a job I'm interested in. She said she's going to put in a good word for me, so hopefully something will come out of that. I had a pretty exciting day yeasterday! I actaully won some money on a scratch lottery ticket. I was pretty excited, but of course it didn't last me very long since it was applied to a bill!! What fun is that? Yeasterday was also one of my friend's birthday. I knew it was coming up, but can never remember the exact day! What a bone head I feel like missing it....again! American Idol was on last night. A few years ago, I could've cared less about the show, but here recently, I'm hooked!! Simon is a crack up most of the time, although he can say some pretty rude things! The bad thing right now is that everyone in the top 4 I would like to see win. I have to say my FAVORITES though are Elliot and Chris!! Elliot is my top pick because he just seems so down to earth and what a cutie!! However, Chris is a really hottie!! I do like Elliot the best though, so I hope he wins it all!! Of course, I can't wait til next week to see who sings what.

Why??

2006-05-01T20:57:00.000-07:00

Why will Rich never understand all the hurt he has caused me? I know "why", but I don't know why! Really bites having to deal with all the emotions and hearing him say it's all in the "past" for him. It's far from that way for me! I wrote a 4 1/2 page letter "to" him today. Probably will never mail it, but at least it got a lot of my frustrations out! It made me feel better to "tell" him about all the pain he has caused and how my life will never be the same because of it! Actually, the last couple weeks have been pretty good aside from Rich not having a clue about what it is he has actually done. I've done a lot of reading and working at my job part-time. Still wish I could find something more full time, but that will come when the time is right. I also have been trying to stay involved with friends and going places. My life seems actually kind of nice at the moment. Wired to say that in so much crap that has happened in the past month. It is nice to have a couple weeks, though to just kind of be myself again. Maybe the drugs are working...hehe!! There's really a lot to look forward to this month: Stephanie will finally be as old as me (lol), one of cousins will celebrate a birthday, my son will become a teenager (god help me!), and I will get to see a bunch of family at the end of the month when I go for a family reunion weekend. I am really starting to look forward to that. I think it does help to not have to worry if my significant other would be going or not. And, if he's not, worrying about what he's doing while I'm gone. Thank god I don't have to deal with that any longer!! In the meantime, I'm just waiting for my next prince charming to find me! I'm not ready for him to come at the moment, but I know he's gotta be out there somewhere. If not, it's always fun to "window shop"!

2006-04-25T14:04:00.000-07:00

I am finally on to a couple job leads. I went for a prelimenary interview the other day and that seemed somewhat hopeful. The guy I talked to was nice and seemed somewhat interested in my resume. Keep your fingers crossed that something will work for me full-time. Not much else exciting happening in my world at this time. THANK GOD!! I don't think I need anymore excitement for the time being. I was hoping to go with the youth this weekend on their confirmation retreat. I have to work though, so I can't go. Oh well, at least I'll be making some money. I think Preston is looking forward to the weekend though. We went fishing over the weekend with my neighbors. That was a success. Preston had been dying to go fishing, so I'm glad it worked out. He was pretty happy after catching 3 fish. I think we're planning to eat them tonight. I had to talk to him about his grades the other night. That went over well....NOT!! He just doesn't seem to concerned, and that bothers me. I think he will end up fine, but it's just hard getting him to care. I think next year maybe a bit different, but you never know. His bowling season has come to an end. I really wanted him to play baseball this summer, but it looks like that's not going to happen. Oh well, he can go swimming and do other things. I'm also hoping by the time summer ends I will have this whole adoption thing finished too! For right now though, I'm going to enjoy the boringness of my life!...lol

The First Month

2006-04-19T11:11:00.000-07:00

I've made it one month through with being seperated from Rich. The month certainly hasn't been easy, nor is it close to being over with. I actually have done pretty well over all. The first part of the month I got the good news that my disease is back in remission. I got to come off my medication which was AWESOME!! I was so happy to get that news, but also a little nervous. So far, I feel pretty good without even though it's only been a couple weeks. I have a check up in three months to make sure everything is still going well. Hopefully it will be. On that same day I went to see my other doctor since I did an increase on my anti-depressent. I bawled the whole time I was in the office, but I guess that's what doctors are for. For now, I am staying on the same dosage of medication until things hopefully even out in the emtional area. As I said, overall I seem to being doing pretty good, but there are "those" moments! Moments such as having to sign divorce papers. I DIDN'T want a divorce which all my friends and family know. However, some people seem to think that this should be just an easy thing to get through. This is NOT the case!! The pain from this event in my life is like no other!! I have been through my fair share of physical pain and this feels nothing like anything I have ever experienced! I miss Rich and the companionship I had with that. More than that though, I'm angry that he broke promises to me!! Not just to me, but to God! Makes me so angry and hurt inside!! What seems to be helping though is having my friends and family. That and a job even though it's very part-time!! At least it's getting me out and about from time to time and doing things. I still am thinking about doing the home daycare things. Just need to get going more on it. In the meantime, the part-time job is fun and the Avon selling is going pretty well. Better than the Mary Kay selling at one time went. I have also been on date since Rich and I split. It was WAY to early to date!! However, I did meet someone that could become a good friend. I just wasn't interested in anything romantic at this point and to be honest, at this point I can't see myself with anyone else!

Baby Steps

2006-04-06T11:13:00.000-07:00

It has certainly been a month of tough lessons. I never knew God thought I could handle so much, yet somehow I seem to be passing the test this far. I have joined a divorce support group to help me with the emotions of what has been going on. I think it is going to be something that will be extremely helpful to me, both in coming to terms with what has happend, and also to help me understand that I am not alone in this. Several times I have thought that if I just hadn't gotten married I wouldn't be going through such a difficult time. I loved Rich very much though, and honestly, I still do. However, there were things that I was just not willing to compromise on, and in the end, morals and values wouldn't allow me to compromise on. I wish daily that there could be reconciliation, but know there will probably never be. Unfortunately, he may never know just how much I have been hurt through all this, or what suffering I have done by taking a stand for what I believe in. My heart hurts daily and as I said even though I have been hurt in the worst possible way, I still unconditionally love Rich. He was a huge part of my life for 4 years and a person doesn't just turn emotions off when things end. At least I don't. Things have started to look up for me, and for Preston. I found a job working part-time and that has been a blessing. The best part is that I get off work before Preston gets out of school, which is awesome. We also have really gotten in to Bible studies and going to church. Preston will joining the church soon, and I am extrememly excited about that! He's a great kid and I am so blessed to have him in my life! We also have been spending more time with friends and going out and doing things. Somedays are harder than others to make myself do this, but once I do, I'm glad I did.

Rabbits

2006-03-21T19:25:00.000-08:00

Nothing really new in my life since my last blog. I am still getting a divorce and I am still looking for a job! My mood has improved some from a couple weeks ago, so I think that is something to look at as a positive. Not as much crying as when everything first started. Now more anger than anything! Actually, this week has been kind of fun. Went and saw some friends the other night who I hadn't seen since this summer. That was a good time. I also have been taking care of some rabbits for a friend. I had never even been around rabbits really, but this is just kind of fun taking care of them. I don't know that I would want my own, but it's been fun taking care of them for someone else. I also have been spending time with Preston of course. He's such a joy and always keeps me entertained. He informed me the other night that our house was boring! Sorry!! I'm not sure why! Maybe he's just bored since it's spring break. Kids....gotta love 'em!